Whitney Houston

Hey beautiful!

So last week my mind was bent on seeing Whitney (the movie) and it was worth it. There are some celebrities that seem relatable in a sense and most times I’m drawn to them. In Whitney’s case, it was a strong feeling.

After watching it, I encourage you to and will like to share some lessons inspired by the movie;

1. Most talented individuals know they have talent from an early age. It takes some form of cultivation and support to push and ignite it. Parents are usually the first to notice.

2. A mothers love can change a child’s life.

3. Discipline is never easy but necessary for change.

4. When a family starts to fall apart, the children suffer the most especially if in their formative years. Once you start becoming an adult though, I encourage you to get help to heal because no matter who you are, it does something to you.

5. Be careful of the company you keep. They are choices so pick wisely. Friends are not safety nets – you should be dependent yet independent.

6. Sexual fluidity is a thing. Be careful because curiosity can kill a cat. If your mind is not strong you might be confused about your sexual identity. Sexual trauma should also be dealt with if any i.e rape, molestation etc.

7. Money comes and goes. Do not let it define you.

8. Take care of family every chance you CAN.

9. The same way your friends matter, the person you chose to spend life with matters even more. They will either pull you up or pull you down.

10. Parents, prioritize your children and if not possible, find a way. They are the future and will honor you.

11. No matter where you find yourself, study the culture and try to adapt without losing yourself. It could be a new country, job etc.

12. Drugs….enough said.

13. Jealousy is a scary vice that makes the jealous individual ugly. If not careful, it can lead one to do evil things.

14. Failure is an event and not a definition of who you are.

15. Codependency is not love.

16. Be supportive but do not carry those around you be it family or friends.

17. Holding onto pain, eats you up and never the other. So your reaction to everything matters.

18. Death is inevitable. Parents prepare your children for it. It really is your responsibility. Don’t breed overly dependent and sheltered children.

19. Fix your childhood trauma or any after childhood. Deal with them, don’t suppress them and “fake move on”. They will creep up on you and can ruin your life. By childhood trauma it could be mental illness, molestation (which makes you question your sexuality), bullying, family divorce etc.

20. Shame is a powerful emotion. Empathy kills it so open up to safe loved ones.

You can be alive yet a zombie,

Just roaming earth,

Looking for yourself,

Not feeding anyone,

Running away from and to yourself,

Not knowing who you really are,

Money, people and love may be around you,

But as a zombie you won’t be able to feel or see these things and their value.

Take it easy my girl 🖤

OUTFIT DETAILS:

Top and shorts – Forever 21

Hair – Ali express

Fanny pack – Aldo

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Mellow Yellow, Mid May Madness.

Hey love!

How are you? I’ve had a lot going on in the last couple of weeks at work and mentally. My mum is also visiting in a week and I’ve been excited yet nervous. I haven’t seen her in about three years and I can’t wait to see her and catch up on life.

Work is kicking my butt but I’m up for the challenge. I’m learning that there is something positive about being uncomfortable, it’s like you become stronger and feel encouraged to keep going. Sadly, it seems like I need to relax on my need for perfection because I’m getting burnt out almost weekly and it will not be sustainable in the long run. May has started with me taking a step back after weeks of intense work and mental pressure. The only thing that has kept me sane is working out daily after work because I get to release some stress and stay fit. It also helps that it keeps my mind balanced and spirits up.

Anyway, I’m grateful for everything happening right now because I am going with the flow of life, I’m used to controlling everything but to just live, that is a hinderance.

What am I doing differently?

– Praying more often.

– Trying to drink more water.

– Not forcing connections.

– Staying still.

– Equating emotion vs logic.

– Keeping to myself (I try to be social but lately, I’m uninterested).

– I find that my job does make me happy even though I struggle sometimes, I always win. My ego wouldn’t have it any other way.

– I admire my boobs from time to time.

– Retail therapy.

– Enjoy dating.

– Meditate about life and what to blog about.

Over and out 🖤

OMG! January is over!

Hey loves!

We are in the first quarter of the year and so far so good I am well! I hope you are too so I’m checking in to provide some lifestyle tips on what to do to ensure that you are on the right path towards achieving your goals this year.

Tip 1.

Are you in sync with your religion and spirituality?

If no, why not and if yes, that’s awesome! Keep up the good work.

Tip 2.

Full body Physical.

When was your last check up? Have you ever gotten a pap smear girls? Do you know your BMI? Do you eat healthy?

Tell the truth, hahaha!

Tip 3.

How are your energy levels?

You really do get what you put out there so if it’s low, chances are you don’t have much fun or may not be happy. Try to figure out why so you can exude positivity.

Tip 4.

Have you been preserving yourself?

I learnt this the hard way due to graduate school, blogging and a finance career. I’ve had to sacrifice some stuff such as partying, a few relationships, dating and to an extent traveling! Sometimes you really need to do nothing and just relax. The benefits are endless, just google them.

Tip 5.

How is your credit/financial health?

Are you in debt? Do you earn as much as you deserve? How are your savings?

Check on the bag even while securing it!

Until next time loves 🖤

Outfit Details

Top – Asos

Pants – Forever 21 Plus

Shoes and Bag – Payless

Green lipstick – Dr M. by Colorpop and Midnight Wasabi by Fenty Beauty

Photographer – Ronke Raji

5 Long term effects of failed relationships

In my experience here are 5 common effects of a cycle of failed relationships;

1. Lack of self confidence and struggle with self love.

2. Trust issues in future relationships if healing is not achieved.

3. Lack of physical preservation (constant sexual relations).

4. Emotional exhaustion and psychological noise.

5. Disconnection with faith and almost joy as it will take a lot of strength to understand that the experiences were not God neglecting you but lessons you had to learn.

Thanks for reading loves!

Stay tuned and subscribe for more!

OUTFIT DETAILS

Dress – Asos

Slippers – Payless

Bag – Justfab

Leopard Print and Mr Not ready

Ola and I met when I ended things with Mr. Insecure number two – he was very laid back, observant and fun. We connected on a dating site I was passing time on and at first I made it a little hard staying detached and uninterested but he read through it and was persistent. Three weeks in, we wanted to hang out daily and we did – for the first twelve months or honestly the entire relationship, we were inseparable except on some vacations. If you saw him in church, you saw me. As if we weren’t obvious enough, we also had a lot of matching outfits we bought together. At his school, if I had no class, you may have seen me too. Why?

This was my best friend and I was not afraid to fall because it felt right. Time passed and all I felt was inconsistency. We also had our differences but agreed to accept them because we “loved” each other. Deep within me, I was not comfortable with some things he did but I accepted them and tried to talk to him about it almost daily, weekly then monthly. Not sure why I didn’t just leave knowing that I was slowly getting upset repeating and compromising myself every damn time. Well Addie, how could you? We had so much fun; we went on dates, weekend trips, owambes, and even explored our city every chance we got.  Every night when we weren’t exclusive, he took me out and made sure I left him smiling. Soon enough, we made “love” and after that it was magic. One so wanting of the other that when we had residence issues, we decided to live together and I was excited. If you’re reading this, you know right there that this is where I effed up yea? I know, I know.

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We got a super nice place in Owings mills,MD and my bougie self  made it look a million bucks. Over time, we even had game nights with other couple friends and several house parties which were lit. All was good until I started to feel weird frequencies (energy) and I couldn’t hold. I broke and started asking questions. Sometimes, I’ll ask or check his phone – Once he stepped out the first time, it was hell. I felt betrayal but he continued repeatedly stepping out which did not make things any easier.

I couldn’t understand why he was into prostitutes or comfortable with the idea. He followed some heavily nude pages as well as strippers which made me feel like I wasn’t enough. Imagine the emotional torture? This even excluded girls from school or other friends he had that he would talk to. Matter of fact my baby boo had an affair and I felt it when it was happening but had no confirmation(this is one I even knew about and I remember her like it was yesterday b).

Solely from the cheating, I lost trust and then me trying to hold on to something that wasn’t there anymore. Or maybe it never was Addie. Something prematurely offered yet true? Scratch that because love shouldn’t hurt.

Lukman claimed to love me and would have loved to give me the world but how could he when he did not even love himself at all? To add salt upon injury, my self love was barely there so imagine the burden. I was spiritually heavy and I didn’t even know it. I stayed because i “loved” him and he was always sorry. I tried to be the best girl in the world instead of just being me and allowing him love me the way I am but believe me a man must love, know and accept himself before he can let a woman in and vice versa.

I kept the house clean, was his biggest cheerleader, did my kegel exercises, stayed fit, cooked often which never satisfied him since he was a chef and my effort didn’t really count. Lukman cared about me but did not love me because he was only giving me what he could for as long as he could. Once he got an opportunity to break up, he did. Not to hurt me but to avoid further damage. It just proved how weak our “love” was.

Here’s how it happened.

One evening, I found out that he went to go see his ex and I was upset because our discussions always ended with exes being a no-no. He couldn’t seem to see any fault in his actions after about an hour of going back and forth so I packed my bags and drove off not with the intention of leaving but just to get his attention.

Who was I kidding? I had made it easy. I came back the next morning after sleeping in the car by a dunkin donuts to a breakup talk. He was letting me go and “it wasn’t me it was him”.

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I was confused and angry until I finally had a meltdown. Suicide crossed my mind but I am no weak bi$@h so I fought it. We still lived together for another couple of months after as the option to break the lease was unnecessarily pricy so we decided to hang in there.

I was in hell. I felt myself drowning. I self medicated heavily daily and sunk in my thoughts. Work was affected as everything felt stressful. I was just lost. I died inside over and over. He tried to re-explain that he loved me but this needed to happen but I was not there anymore. At some point, I would hear him but be far away. I went into shutdown mode and didn’t think it was real. For days, I would cry and be like ”wait, are you sure?” – Thinking it was a tension thing because of the argument.

Even worse!

Time passed and my mum always told me to have savings so I moved out when it was closer to the end of the lease. If I didn’t leave when I did, I may not be here today.

The court meetings to finalize pending bills were emotionally stressful and draining because we would argue sometimes but we got through it somehow.

Right before I actually moved out of the apartment, he got brave and invited girls over. The first time it happened I thought I was seeing double but over time I saw enough to get used to it.

On one specific occasion, I came home early from work. It was super innocent but for a valid reason and as I walked in, I saw legs running obviously. Curtain movements too and I figured he had a guest. At this point even with everything going on you have to understand I still had feelings for him but I cannot forget this day. I called a co-worker because I was numb. I had never been treated like this before or been in such a situation and I dislike conflict so I was panicking. After a while he came out, with this hard look on his face and said off to work. I felt like he didn’t even see me at all.

I got goosebumps when I saw the girl. She said nothing and just walked the other way. He tried to hide her and have her go through sliding doors (balcony) but it was too late. Now when a guy is cheating or even moving on, don’t you even guess it’ll be someone ridiculously attractive or somehow better in a good way. This girl was dressed masculine, had a low cut, slight slouch and looked very….idk. I don’t even want to know…

That hurt even more because in all honesty, I looked better and was a unicorn but still wasn’t enough. Confused dot com!

I went on dates those final days in the apartment to distract myself but walked out on too many of them. It was hilarious and I look back and laugh now because I was hurting and trying to be sane but it didn’t help.

Some nights when I managed to sleep, I’ll have nightmares, wake up and he’ll be up as well. Things were so awkward for a while…

The second significant occurrence after the walk in was just epic. After I moved out, i still came over because I still cared as there were bills to pay and I still had some type of feelings but he had a new girlfriend. He would be on the phone with her and it’ll be on speaker sometimes, he’ll take her out etc and I was so confused because we just broke up but I pitied her as she was just buying time. One night, I got there and he told me his girlfriend was around so i had to leave. I almost went love and hip hop on his a@$ but I’m just not bred that way so after talking to my sister, i left peacefully.

Enough was enough as I had a breakthrough and decided to try taking it one day at a time. Just loving Adeola, bathing Adeola, praying for Adeola, speaking to Adeola, healing Adeola and here we are now…

As I loved myself daily, I found my healing. I pulled strength I didn’t know I had and bounced back. It’s called resilience baby. Ever since my dad told me I was, I nurtured the strength and rely on it a lot. It’s been quite a journey and the self love work never ends for me as I am a rose and I will die and rebirth a hundred times till I leave earth.

I eff with that. You feel me?

Lukman had a huge impact on my life. He was a wake up call and truth be told I have dated guys who despite knowing they cannot be serious with you, string you along and even have a child with you all to get a divorce sometime down the road. What a waste.

I am not in love with him anymore. We are now just friends and I do not know what the future holds but I only wish him all the good things in life. Nothing more, nothing less.

Baby girl, pain is power so when you feel it, especially in times like this, source the why and harness that power into something beautiful such as yourself, a business etc.

You will become unstoppable.

Love you girl,

Stay strong,

Addie.

5 quick tips on recovery after rejection

Blazer – Lane Bryant

Skirt – Lane Bryant

Boots – Forever 21

Hey love!

See below for five quick tips on dealing with rejection as I know it can be challenging at times;

– Pray for strength to understand why it happened and learn the lesson from the experience.

– Speak in affirmations for a duration of time depending on your comfort level until your confidence is restored.

– Exercise to relieve mental stress and be in good spirits.

– Communicate. Share the experience with a close friend and rub minds on what happened if you need to.

– Redirect that negative energy and use it to do something beneficial for yourself. Instead of wasting your time wondering why some guy or firm won’t ef with you.

Try these out and let me know if they work for you doll.

Love you loads,

Addie.

Fall Blues: Mr Im-not-ready

Girl! How are you?

I’m well but I have to share this with you because I want you to be able to catch these types when they “come through”.

Boy, oh boy!

Mr. I’m-not-ready will have you falling quicker than expected because he will sell you something he can’t offer.

What makes meeting such so unfortunate is the fact that most of the time, these men do not even know who they are yet or love themselves. On that note, why will you make a bad choice and be emotionally irresponsible?

It is almost inexcusable and I sound this way because I did it! Oh girl, I won’t come to you if I haven’t experienced and felt this through to healing.

With him, you might do just anything because he’ll be so good at playing the part and even like you but will most likely never love you.

They probably do not understand what love is if they are not giving it to themselves. You feel me?

My point here is try to pay attention love. Listen to a man when he is talking and you’re getting to know him. Don’t rush it, just enjoy it and see where it goes…

Experiencing such a relationship was one of the hardest things I had to get over but I did it and that’s why I’m able to share this with you I now.

As always, I love you.

Addie 🖤