August Blues – I got played?

Ile saw me at a restaurant while I was on a date with someone else. We both knew I was wasting my time on that date because once it was over, he made sure he got my number while his elderly uncle cheered him on. Lol!

I enjoyed the chase but played hard to get for a little while. I got to know him and found him genuine, honest and hardworking so we hung out for a while and had a good time. His friends and I got along well but he had so much drama from a previous relationship he was getting out of.

I didn’t feel at ease with it so I backed off and eventually stopped seeing him. Some months later since he was blocked on every platform I could think off, his persistence led him to send me a cashapp (money transfer app) message saying please call me.

I was hollering!

I replied back and we started talking and catching up – he was single and just working…it was summer so I decided to just have fun with it – parties, kickbacks, weekend trips etc.

He started trying to be serious and I had some concerns I had never voiced so I kept it cool for a while.

To respect privacy, I won’t go into detail but I wasn’t sure if the jobs he claimed he did were his only source of income based on what I saw…

I was sure something was off so I slowly weaned him off and it was tough until God made it easy.

His ex sent a doctors note stating that she was three months pregnant and that’s when reality kicked in for both of us – I knew I made the right decision then and there.

My mood was suddenly: I’m good luv, enjoy.

It stung a bit but so far so good, I’m cutting my loses and not looking back. No such thing as being friends – heal away so that it doesn’t bleed into your next relationship.

It’s taking some time but that’s the gift of life 🖤

PLOT TWIST!

After deciding to move on above, it was too late. I had already caught feelings.

So I gave it time and attention without really wanting it. How much more damage did I do? Too much.

He was showing signs of being conflicted and felt like he was under pressure. It made sense – someone is pregnant for you!

He told me he didn’t want the baby and wanted to be with me but it didn’t feel right. Luckily, I had a vacation I planned a while ago so I left for Jamaica.

A week later I returned and he proposed while I was away which I challenged + in less than twenty four hours, it turned out he had proposed to his ex and started planning a wedding.

I was so pained!

I knew I was not a player and had no business lingering in this situationship but damn!

Shed a tea or two but I’m good now,

Detaching is my thing I guess?

He further explained it was all fake and that it wasn’t real but he wanted to play along with her until he could get her to abort the baby.

I realized how cruel he could be and will not be an ally to malicious behavior so goodbye Maradona. Get your life!

Lessons Learned here?

1. Don’t linger at all if they do not feel like what you want.

2. Date with a low expectations and do not project too much into the future to avoid major disappointment, simply get to know the person.

3. Discern as always and never doubt your gut for anything!

4. Speak up for yourself – let no one think you are stupid or need them.

5. Don’t doubt yourself after you’ve made a decision, see it through and be firm with your decision. It’s not easy balancing emotion with logic but it is possible!

Sincerely,

Lovingadeola.

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Whitney Houston

Hey beautiful!

So last week my mind was bent on seeing Whitney (the movie) and it was worth it. There are some celebrities that seem relatable in a sense and most times I’m drawn to them. In Whitney’s case, it was a strong feeling.

After watching it, I encourage you to and will like to share some lessons inspired by the movie;

1. Most talented individuals know they have talent from an early age. It takes some form of cultivation and support to push and ignite it. Parents are usually the first to notice.

2. A mothers love can change a child’s life.

3. Discipline is never easy but necessary for change.

4. When a family starts to fall apart, the children suffer the most especially if in their formative years. Once you start becoming an adult though, I encourage you to get help to heal because no matter who you are, it does something to you.

5. Be careful of the company you keep. They are choices so pick wisely. Friends are not safety nets – you should be dependent yet independent.

6. Sexual fluidity is a thing. Be careful because curiosity can kill a cat. If your mind is not strong you might be confused about your sexual identity. Sexual trauma should also be dealt with if any i.e rape, molestation etc.

7. Money comes and goes. Do not let it define you.

8. Take care of family every chance you CAN.

9. The same way your friends matter, the person you chose to spend life with matters even more. They will either pull you up or pull you down.

10. Parents, prioritize your children and if not possible, find a way. They are the future and will honor you.

11. No matter where you find yourself, study the culture and try to adapt without losing yourself. It could be a new country, job etc.

12. Drugs….enough said.

13. Jealousy is a scary vice that makes the jealous individual ugly. If not careful, it can lead one to do evil things.

14. Failure is an event and not a definition of who you are.

15. Codependency is not love.

16. Be supportive but do not carry those around you be it family or friends.

17. Holding onto pain, eats you up and never the other. So your reaction to everything matters.

18. Death is inevitable. Parents prepare your children for it. It really is your responsibility. Don’t breed overly dependent and sheltered children.

19. Fix your childhood trauma or any after childhood. Deal with them, don’t suppress them and “fake move on”. They will creep up on you and can ruin your life. By childhood trauma it could be mental illness, molestation (which makes you question your sexuality), bullying, family divorce etc.

20. Shame is a powerful emotion. Empathy kills it so open up to safe loved ones.

You can be alive yet a zombie,

Just roaming earth,

Looking for yourself,

Not feeding anyone,

Running away from and to yourself,

Not knowing who you really are,

Money, people and love may be around you,

But as a zombie you won’t be able to feel or see these things and their value.

Take it easy my girl 🖤

OUTFIT DETAILS:

Top and shorts – Forever 21

Hair – Ali express

Fanny pack – Aldo

Mellow Yellow, Mid May Madness.

Hey love!

How are you? I’ve had a lot going on in the last couple of weeks at work and mentally. My mum is also visiting in a week and I’ve been excited yet nervous. I haven’t seen her in about three years and I can’t wait to see her and catch up on life.

Work is kicking my butt but I’m up for the challenge. I’m learning that there is something positive about being uncomfortable, it’s like you become stronger and feel encouraged to keep going. Sadly, it seems like I need to relax on my need for perfection because I’m getting burnt out almost weekly and it will not be sustainable in the long run. May has started with me taking a step back after weeks of intense work and mental pressure. The only thing that has kept me sane is working out daily after work because I get to release some stress and stay fit. It also helps that it keeps my mind balanced and spirits up.

Anyway, I’m grateful for everything happening right now because I am going with the flow of life, I’m used to controlling everything but to just live, that is a hinderance.

What am I doing differently?

– Praying more often.

– Trying to drink more water.

– Not forcing connections.

– Staying still.

– Equating emotion vs logic.

– Keeping to myself (I try to be social but lately, I’m uninterested).

– I find that my job does make me happy even though I struggle sometimes, I always win. My ego wouldn’t have it any other way.

– I admire my boobs from time to time.

– Retail therapy.

– Enjoy dating.

– Meditate about life and what to blog about.

Over and out 🖤

Female friendships: What I’ve Learnt!

Hey girls!

I hope you are well and this post hits home like it did for me. In my life, I’ve been blessed with beautiful and strong female friends that pull me up and keep me grounded.

Friend – Oreoluwa Adeniji, Model.

You will see pictures of them in this post as I magically shot pictures with a few of them to create fashion looks that will inspire you today!

Anyway….

The next series of points are gems that I have learnt from my female friendships on how I keep the relationships alive, peaceful and fruitful;

Friend – Ronke Raji, Influencer

1. Honesty at all times. One lie just leads to another and think of your friends as your supporters. Another set of parameters that God has placed in your life to help you live and make better decisions. Telling one lie and then another about anything is a recipe for disaster.

2. Pace yourself with these friendships. I personally tend to keep to myself if I meet a female and hear any traces of lack of self love because I know they are not happy. Its different if they are asking for help but I don’t go around thinking everybody needs helps, that’s disrespectful.

Friend – Akhila, Finance Associate

There is a certain discernment I’ve been blessed with so I’m just picky about who I let in my life because if you turn out to really be negative then I’ve done a disservice to self by not protecting my peace.

When you meet new females, take it slow. It’s not only with men you do this with. It’s with any relationship – earn it so that you can respect it and it can flourish from there.

3. Handling insecurities among women is also tricky but doable. One tip we are all flowers, no rose outshines the other. You may all just not be on the same confidence level which is okay. If you respect each other, then you know how to handle yourself when one is not feeling as great as the other. Pull her up, remind her that her beauty is unique and with time through self love, she will feel better.

4. Career support: Women, do you understand that we are powerful? So when you see another woman trying to find her purpose, help her within your capacity. Don’t over extend yourself as that ends in resentment. Just be positive, uplifting and cheerlead as they grow. If in different industries, you can actually get involved with each other’s profession and learn something new! Some times you may find that you have inspired your friend to chase their dreams as well.

The issue comes when you get in a competitive mindset and start to get ugly with it – so unnecessary.

5. Respect their spouses. Do not get nosy or intrude in their lives! If they ever need to talk to you, and need your input, they will ask. So don’t go offering unwarranted opinion on your idea of what love/dating should look like. Bye now!

6. During fights, maintain respect and give space to reflect. We women are very emotional and that’s okay but we need to be sensitive to each other’s feelings.

Happy Thursday love!

The importance of mastering detachment

Hey loves!

Detachment is described as disconnecting from a relationship, feeling, thought or assumption.

For clarity, I am referencing emotional detachment as it is a skill I am currently self training on. Believe me when I tell you my self love journey is no joke because I am always learning and changing (growing).

Lately, I had a negative experience I couldn’t shake off for a while. Matter of fact, the person that got me angered could feel it but I carried on with a horrible mood that day then learnt something great after talking to a mentor.

Emotional detachment from any situation is an early step that boosts ones chances of making logical decisions. When emotions get in the way, our judgement is flawed which usually leads to biased decision making. In this case, I could have saved my energy and realized my reaction was my power.

I’m usually good with that but like I said practice makes perfect and this is a required life skill that we should try to learn so that one can leverage this when needed.

Four benefits are;

– Lower chances of sabotaging situations.

– Better Judgement calls.

– Clarity even when emotions run high!

– Quick decision making skills

Thanks for reading love!

YOUR TURN to share – do you practice this? Have you ever had to detach? Talk to me.

Happy Valentines Day Adeola!

Hey loves!

As you may or may not know, I have been single for a year now and it has been an adventurous, emotional and rewarding journey!

I’m the happiest i have ever been and this time last year suicide was an option. I thank God because that will have been foolish of me. I have so much to give and say to the world before I leave so it doesn’t even make any sense!

I’ve been dating since I was sixteen and believe me, I was forced to grow up quickly and experienced more than I needed to which in turn affected my developing stages and habits I developed socially and personally. I also had no sense of self. In summary, I did not love myself.

Fast forward, I fell in love, it ended and then I was left to fix the mess I had created. For the first time in my life, the pain of the break up led me to ruthlessly chase happiness and ensure it never left me.

I’m doing fine now and loving me has been a journey I don’t regret – I’m reaching beautiful destinations 🖤

Self Love: Easing out of promiscuity

Hey girl, hey!

Today’s topic is sensitive but must be discussed because a lot of our girls are in pain and they don’t know why.

They are lost and going in circles looking for answers and I hope to provide clarity.

Sleeping around is not and will never be normal or acceptable because besides it being a sin, it has consequences that are not for the weak. Some are below;

– Constant body count increase

– Higher chances of STD contraction

– Lack of sense of self

– Nymphomania

– Unnecessary soul ties & more!

Now these are just a few but imagine all the harm you are putting your temple through and for what? Attention? Temporary satiation? Money?

Sex is sacred and to be shared between spouses with the end goal of procreation and not as a task, job or habit.

Sex ties into self love because as I continued my journey it was one of those domino effects that occur once you begin to love you. I started slow because trust me change takes time (true change I mean). I enjoyed it but once self love met me halfway I got picky with the men, then I got selfish with my time as far as being available and then I got even more selfish by choosing me and not even understanding why I should open my legs!

Personally, I want everlasting love that is unconditional and to give that I need to love me and become that love I hope to give AND receive. It is only right and part of the reasons I have not settled.

Other things to think about when meditating on this topic; Why do you have sex? Do you feel proud after climax? What are the benefits? Does your religion approve of sex before marriage? Is your receiver deserving of that love? What is your body count? How will you enjoy marriage if you keep sleeping around? If you don’t wait now, why will he wait while you’re 9 months pregnant if he never did so before? If he’s not your husband, why give him an unearned soul tie? Why?

Darling, here are five ways to ease into abstinence and stop messing with guys or having boyfriends to no end;

– Get productive and prioritize YOUR goals eg career, education, fitness, nutrition etc.

– Prayer.

– As you love yourself you know what you really want so try not to fall for just anything. Be patient.

– Get back in the gym to get fit for your health and that of your future child’s.

– Go for confession often, research suitable therapists and talk to trusted friends. I’m sure Jay-Z has said this too many times but it won’t hurt quoting him one last time – “you can’t heal what you don’t reveal”.

All my love girls!

Good luck 🖤