Whitney Houston

Hey beautiful!

So last week my mind was bent on seeing Whitney (the movie) and it was worth it. There are some celebrities that seem relatable in a sense and most times I’m drawn to them. In Whitney’s case, it was a strong feeling.

After watching it, I encourage you to and will like to share some lessons inspired by the movie;

1. Most talented individuals know they have talent from an early age. It takes some form of cultivation and support to push and ignite it. Parents are usually the first to notice.

2. A mothers love can change a child’s life.

3. Discipline is never easy but necessary for change.

4. When a family starts to fall apart, the children suffer the most especially if in their formative years. Once you start becoming an adult though, I encourage you to get help to heal because no matter who you are, it does something to you.

5. Be careful of the company you keep. They are choices so pick wisely. Friends are not safety nets – you should be dependent yet independent.

6. Sexual fluidity is a thing. Be careful because curiosity can kill a cat. If your mind is not strong you might be confused about your sexual identity. Sexual trauma should also be dealt with if any i.e rape, molestation etc.

7. Money comes and goes. Do not let it define you.

8. Take care of family every chance you CAN.

9. The same way your friends matter, the person you chose to spend life with matters even more. They will either pull you up or pull you down.

10. Parents, prioritize your children and if not possible, find a way. They are the future and will honor you.

11. No matter where you find yourself, study the culture and try to adapt without losing yourself. It could be a new country, job etc.

12. Drugs….enough said.

13. Jealousy is a scary vice that makes the jealous individual ugly. If not careful, it can lead one to do evil things.

14. Failure is an event and not a definition of who you are.

15. Codependency is not love.

16. Be supportive but do not carry those around you be it family or friends.

17. Holding onto pain, eats you up and never the other. So your reaction to everything matters.

18. Death is inevitable. Parents prepare your children for it. It really is your responsibility. Don’t breed overly dependent and sheltered children.

19. Fix your childhood trauma or any after childhood. Deal with them, don’t suppress them and “fake move on”. They will creep up on you and can ruin your life. By childhood trauma it could be mental illness, molestation (which makes you question your sexuality), bullying, family divorce etc.

20. Shame is a powerful emotion. Empathy kills it so open up to safe loved ones.

You can be alive yet a zombie,

Just roaming earth,

Looking for yourself,

Not feeding anyone,

Running away from and to yourself,

Not knowing who you really are,

Money, people and love may be around you,

But as a zombie you won’t be able to feel or see these things and their value.

Take it easy my girl 🖤

OUTFIT DETAILS:

Top and shorts – Forever 21

Hair – Ali express

Fanny pack – Aldo

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Mellow Yellow, Mid May Madness.

Hey love!

How are you? I’ve had a lot going on in the last couple of weeks at work and mentally. My mum is also visiting in a week and I’ve been excited yet nervous. I haven’t seen her in about three years and I can’t wait to see her and catch up on life.

Work is kicking my butt but I’m up for the challenge. I’m learning that there is something positive about being uncomfortable, it’s like you become stronger and feel encouraged to keep going. Sadly, it seems like I need to relax on my need for perfection because I’m getting burnt out almost weekly and it will not be sustainable in the long run. May has started with me taking a step back after weeks of intense work and mental pressure. The only thing that has kept me sane is working out daily after work because I get to release some stress and stay fit. It also helps that it keeps my mind balanced and spirits up.

Anyway, I’m grateful for everything happening right now because I am going with the flow of life, I’m used to controlling everything but to just live, that is a hinderance.

What am I doing differently?

– Praying more often.

– Trying to drink more water.

– Not forcing connections.

– Staying still.

– Equating emotion vs logic.

– Keeping to myself (I try to be social but lately, I’m uninterested).

– I find that my job does make me happy even though I struggle sometimes, I always win. My ego wouldn’t have it any other way.

– I admire my boobs from time to time.

– Retail therapy.

– Enjoy dating.

– Meditate about life and what to blog about.

Over and out 🖤

Female friendships: What I’ve Learnt!

Hey girls!

I hope you are well and this post hits home like it did for me. In my life, I’ve been blessed with beautiful and strong female friends that pull me up and keep me grounded.

Friend – Oreoluwa Adeniji, Model.

You will see pictures of them in this post as I magically shot pictures with a few of them to create fashion looks that will inspire you today!

Anyway….

The next series of points are gems that I have learnt from my female friendships on how I keep the relationships alive, peaceful and fruitful;

Friend – Ronke Raji, Influencer

1. Honesty at all times. One lie just leads to another and think of your friends as your supporters. Another set of parameters that God has placed in your life to help you live and make better decisions. Telling one lie and then another about anything is a recipe for disaster.

2. Pace yourself with these friendships. I personally tend to keep to myself if I meet a female and hear any traces of lack of self love because I know they are not happy. Its different if they are asking for help but I don’t go around thinking everybody needs helps, that’s disrespectful.

Friend – Akhila, Finance Associate

There is a certain discernment I’ve been blessed with so I’m just picky about who I let in my life because if you turn out to really be negative then I’ve done a disservice to self by not protecting my peace.

When you meet new females, take it slow. It’s not only with men you do this with. It’s with any relationship – earn it so that you can respect it and it can flourish from there.

3. Handling insecurities among women is also tricky but doable. One tip we are all flowers, no rose outshines the other. You may all just not be on the same confidence level which is okay. If you respect each other, then you know how to handle yourself when one is not feeling as great as the other. Pull her up, remind her that her beauty is unique and with time through self love, she will feel better.

4. Career support: Women, do you understand that we are powerful? So when you see another woman trying to find her purpose, help her within your capacity. Don’t over extend yourself as that ends in resentment. Just be positive, uplifting and cheerlead as they grow. If in different industries, you can actually get involved with each other’s profession and learn something new! Some times you may find that you have inspired your friend to chase their dreams as well.

The issue comes when you get in a competitive mindset and start to get ugly with it – so unnecessary.

5. Respect their spouses. Do not get nosy or intrude in their lives! If they ever need to talk to you, and need your input, they will ask. So don’t go offering unwarranted opinion on your idea of what love/dating should look like. Bye now!

6. During fights, maintain respect and give space to reflect. We women are very emotional and that’s okay but we need to be sensitive to each other’s feelings.

Happy Thursday love!

The importance of mastering detachment

Hey loves!

Detachment is described as disconnecting from a relationship, feeling, thought or assumption.

For clarity, I am referencing emotional detachment as it is a skill I am currently self training on. Believe me when I tell you my self love journey is no joke because I am always learning and changing (growing).

Lately, I had a negative experience I couldn’t shake off for a while. Matter of fact, the person that got me angered could feel it but I carried on with a horrible mood that day then learnt something great after talking to a mentor.

Emotional detachment from any situation is an early step that boosts ones chances of making logical decisions. When emotions get in the way, our judgement is flawed which usually leads to biased decision making. In this case, I could have saved my energy and realized my reaction was my power.

I’m usually good with that but like I said practice makes perfect and this is a required life skill that we should try to learn so that one can leverage this when needed.

Four benefits are;

– Lower chances of sabotaging situations.

– Better Judgement calls.

– Clarity even when emotions run high!

– Quick decision making skills

Thanks for reading love!

YOUR TURN to share – do you practice this? Have you ever had to detach? Talk to me.

Top Five Reasons people are not open in relationships

Hey loves!

I was on the bus back from NY and asked my brother what to blog on as I had just finished another draft and had nothing.

Minutes go by and he sends me a brief mini rant about people who aren’t open in relationships, not while they’re dating but when they are exclusive as there is a difference.

I’ve dated and committed to such personalities before and honestly it takes time to open up to another person. To make it even more challenging, it’s only rewarding when it happens naturally. You can push but with pacing, patience and listening, you can get to know a person and understand them.

My millennials, I figure you are my audience here because I am worried for us. While marriage is not on my bucket list for personal reasons, I think the Bible set the tone for what marriage should be and being open is one of the requirements as the couple merges to become one.

If a lover is not open, here could be why;

1. They are not at peace with themselves and probably have not self nurtured to achieve maturity enough to be open when they want.

When a person has a lot going on or might really be immoral, they tend to keep to themselves as they have a lot to hide. When I was wild, I never spoke a word and now I’m sure when old classmates read my posts, they are confused. They are like huh she seemed quiet and bored. Boy, oh boy – I was always on something, going somewhere, with someone.

No fucking peace of mind. I mean none – so tell me what I wanna tell lover boy? You better carry and go or stay and be mute 😂

2. They do not trust themselves or you.

Laughing already because without trust there can never be full openness. I mean, so comfortable that your spouse understands you without even talking.

I currently have friendships like that with my girls and I tell one that I hope my husband if I end up with one is as open as we are with each other. I want to tell him why I don’t feel like going to church today, I want to tell him my past so he knows who I am and how I became, I don’t want to have to tell him to be thoughtful because when open you are in synch with your partner. The benefits are amazing so if not ready to be open but you want love, go back to your inner self, check in and then try again.

3. Immaturity – enough said here.

4. Self-reliance syndrome.

I know because I struggle with being open, my life will have to get written. When? I do not know darling but it will be so because I have seen quite a bit and by the time I leave earth I may not have shared all as life is not guaranteed!

With such people, they are so hard on themselves that they strive for independence and self nurturing. Since I’m one of them, it can be hell I tell you. I know because of this reason I suck at making friends and when I do it takes a lot to get through. Some may disagree because I’m super warm and don’t mind sharing little things but um it’s all a front, once you leave me you may find that I let you do all the talking and didn’t even say much. With my nurturing personality, I probably talk about your well being and keep it moving.

Side note – Don’t try to push things or force things out of me, that will end the relationship instantly. Savage but with a sweet side 😉

5. Finally! Intentions are another reason people do not open up.

Depending on your upbringing and experiences, you should know life can be wicked. The strong ones just breathe positivity and find strength in how much they love themselves but people’s intention really contribute to setting the tone of a relationship. Are you trying to get to know me? Why? To date? Sleep with me? Waste my time? Fish for information? Make conversation? What?

How about we all relax and just have fun and not be so closed. If you love you, it’s easier to be open as you become unapologetic about who you are.

At that point, you mean what you say and you tell only what you want. If you don’t want to reveal anything, you won’t.

Let’s not make it seem like we’re obligated to be open. You’re not but if you want true love, learn to be open to the right people, (God first) in the right places, and under the right circumstances.

It’s another choice YOU have to make so choose right.

Until next time my loves,

Addie 🖤

Outfit Details.

Dress – Asos

Shoes – Justfab (I added the puffy shoe clips which are from Aldo)

10 Life Lessons I learnt in October

Hey girl hey!

October has been crazy busy for me and I hope that you can forgive me because I just filled my calendar up with growth opportunities.

I just wanted to do it!

What you may ask?

Left my state temporarily, had midterms and needed a virtual break.

I’m back now and God always uses life to teach me things that help me get where I need to be in life and I appreciate him so much for staying by me.

Enjoy this list and let me know if any of these lessons help;

1. Life is borrowed. We all have an expiry dates so it all boils down to whether you lived well and made a significant impact in the world.

On that note, I decided to be more vulnerable with my posts and true to self because there is an audience I want to connect with and help grow. I really do not want any girls going through what I have gone through. Matter of fact, it won’t be fair to just go through life and keep all these experiences or mistakes I have learnt from.

The message here is ensure you live a good life. No one else is responsible for that but you.

2. Patience is a virtue that is unfortunately not common. With how tough life is, you will need to learn that if not already learnt because in dealing with people and life events, patience is required for understanding, learning and discernment.

Ask God to help you with being patient so that you can also be more accepting of others and their differences.

In essence, you will be a better person when you take your time with things and not rush through life. It’s already short to be honest so just chill.

3. Doubting one self is the beginning of confusion. When you do not stick to a decision made, it makes you question self trust and we all have to trust ourselves so that we can love ourselves better.

E.g I keep blocking and unblocking my ex and my brains always asks me what I’m looking for.

I wish I knew because in a matter of days after unblocking, I’m reminded of the reason I decided to just move on in the first place.

Imagine! Why break my own heart for no reason just because I won’t woman up and stick to a decision?! Ugh.

4. Respect others.

A person is made up of cells, family upbringing, life events, education and finally, religion. These are a lot of components we all know nothing about when you meet a person.

As you get to know them they share more about who they are but respect is important because you will not always agree and you have to be able to communicate and argue effectively without being rude.

I learnt this at work and it’s a stickler because I am now working on respecting others more.

5. Sex is not overrated (for those who said it was here’s why you might feel that way)

I got to this place where I had had enough but I had it with all the wrong people so I wasn’t even sure what a true connection felt like as opposed to just laying there and not being present.

Matter of fact it has gotten more difficult to just open my legs anyhow over temporary pleasure and semi permanent pain. I get the feelings sometimes and figure it out somehow but as I m growing with my self love journey, it is a sin as a Catholic so I do my best to preserve myself.

Not perfect but acknowledging it is a first step. In essence, close your legs so that when you do open them it feels right.

6. Pace your life

Everything happens in seasons. It ties into not rushing but it’s a different point because pacing/finding a balance often holds little weight with some of us. We fill our schedules with things to keep us from facing the deeper aspects of self that require attention i.e. connecting with people, mental health, fitness etc.

Make time for recreational activities, dream chasing and self care so that you can really feel healthy and fulfilled.

For me, I dropped one major because I was getting my masters degree in two fields and thought what is my end goal? Do I really care for this degree? Will I use it or I just want to please my parents? Since It held no true value, I took the stress and fake productivity off my plate and was able to reorganize better.

Another example was when my last relationship didn’t work out, I almost rushed through healing and wanted to replace him to fill that void but God forced me to stick with it, deal with the emotions by sending me a helper to understand why it happened so it doesn’t repeat itself.

7. The importance of family

Now all my friends know I can’t fully relate here because I’m from a semi mixed and separated family which has helped me more than hurt but I have to elaborate here.

There was a day I felt like I couldn’t talk to anyone but my sisters face kept flashing in my mind and I had convinced myself that she was too young to be there for me as a first born so I decided not to talk to her.

Days later, I wasn’t feeling any better and I just did it.

She advised me and cheered me up and it’s not a big deal but to me. I do not take the family I’m still close to for granted. Their happiness is mine and I know that I will never be alone as long as I have them. They empower me and make me feel whole.

Some friends do become family but in the end it is not the same. Blood is blood.

8. Women carry too much

This one was an eye opener because the expectations on women in our society today is ridiculous. We’re expected to have a 9-5, full on education, stay healthy (skinny even if possible), have kids, care for a spouse, keep the house in good shape, have a career etc.

Does this list ever end? Are we empowering men to do the same?

I’ll leave this here but as a millennial pick wisely. Personally my spouse (wherever he is) will need to show a level of understanding as I am an ambitious woman and there is a price.

I won’t be cooking daily bro but we can make a roster 😂

9. Dealing with People is a skill

I’ve met too many types of human beings and we are all beautifully flawed so i’ll share a tip that works for me.

I somehow figure out your birthday(Well, you tell me cus I ain’t no creep 😂) and because I’m spiritual, I believe in zodiacs so it gives me an idea of what your personality might be like.

E.g most cancers are extreme nurturers and come off super nice or guarded, Libras are charismatic and great at being diplomatic. Aquarius’ are helpers and Capricorn’s super stubborn plus love to be in control.

Off course, there is more but these are a few I’m super familiar with.

Over time, I match the personality with the life experiences you’ve shared with me and we grow as friends because I understand you better.

Try it out loves, it works!

10. When life burns you out or you get overwhelmed – prioritize you even more!

Sometimes it all gets so crazy with work, school, life etc but when you start feeling tired and demotivated, make sure you take a break and begin a scheduled self care routine. Do only what makes you happy and rejuvenate your spirit for newer and better girl.

With all that being said, I hope you can take away some things and incorporate them into your life tools for becoming an awesome person!

Love you 🖤

Addie.

Dating Series: Mr Insecure

Hey gals!

As dating has been a huge part of my life. I have decided to do a series of various types of men I have dated. Off-course I will add stylish outfits to make it even more fun so enjoy!

This post particularly discusses an ex who felt super comfortable and insecure but I read that for loyalty. Lost much?

My first boyfriend was young, Christian and smart. I met him in church when I was about 15 years old and he was 18/19 I believe.

I was in boarding school and he had graduated high school so we were in a long distance relationship at first. I saw him when I came home for the holidays and it was fun because distance makes the heart grow fonder right?

Anytime I came back home for the holiday, it was all about fun i.e. shopping, partying, private pool trips, late night okada rides (Yoruba word for bikes) and off course church moves as it was another chance to see each other’s faces.

Everything was rosy and it was almost as if we were the envy of the town since it was a small city – my parents were known for their academic professions while his mum had a mini mart in a popular area in town.

People wondered how we did it, how we stayed together and seemed happy but I never really spoke to anyone so no one knew any details and early on everything was super fun so I had nothing to ‘complain’ about or discuss.

Even if I did being socially awkward and having low self esteem did not help me make friends and as you can imagine I snowballed into the relationship and slowly never really went home except it was bed time.

As time passed, I graduated high school and managed to keep the secret that I actually had a boyfriend from my mates so again no one really knew much.

I moved back home permanently and got to know Fiyo better since I now had more time for my amazing relationship. As expected, I grew a bit and knew I wanted to make friends and meet more people. I also found out that I would not travel outside the country for college right after high school so I had to start university in our town, Ibadan, Oyo State, Nigeria.

I got into the same university he was in and he was even more excited I would be living on campus but as time went on I realized he didn’t really want me to speak to a lot of people. He did not want my attention divided at all or time shared. Anytime I had plans, I had to tell him with whom, where and what time I’ll be back and free to hangout again. I never really had a me time or spent time alone.

I shared my pocket money and everything else I had with him because he was my best friend and I felt safe because I thought that if he had all these things, he would do the same for me.

Even though I had to do all these things, as a man, he felt he didn’t need to tell me where he was going or share everything about himself but for some reason it applied to me and I adhered. I slowly feared him because if I didn’t act right he could get upset and it would be a rough day.

People in church always approached my mother to ask what her daughter was doing with this boy but my mum would brush it off knowing she did not want to discuss something that bothered her with outsiders.

She always tried to ask me if I was happy and what exactly we were doing but I was constantly on defense and saw no issues with my relationship until I had my first male friend that he knew about.

Granted my male friend may have liked me but I was not in the wrong to have friends of the opposite sex. One evening, I was bored and went to go visit my new male friend to watch a show so I walked as it was safe on campus and the weather was nice.

Little did I know I was being followed, I got there and left my shoes at the door, went into the quarters as it was an open dormitory setting so doors can be left open with a net shield to keep bugs away.

As we watched the show and talked about class since we were both studying law, the rain started. It was heavy and scary and when it ended, I was ready to leave but I could not find my shoes. We asked other neighbors questions until Seyi (my friend) realized something was weird as he saw someone peeking earlier but thought the rain was playing with his mind.

I immediately got scared and now I’m not sure why but I didn’t feel okay knowing I may have been followed. I had him drive me back to my dorm but I couldn’t sleep so I went to see Fiyo to ask if he followed me that night.

Neighbors had mentioned seeing a tall male figure earlier but my ex was not as tall as they described so I figure there may have been more than one person – this made me even more concerned.

When I got to his place the rain started and I was outside knocking for a while until he came out and asked, “what do you want?”. I was shocked wondering why he didn’t open the gate seeing that I was wet and freezing.

I asked if he followed me that night and he laughed saying I was crazy.

In my frustration, I asked why I wasn’t being let in and he said I was not invited over that I should go back to where I’m coming from.

That was it for me, I began a wild journey of confusion because I thought he loved and trusted me but he didn’t. I tried to find answers but I found myself running in circles and talking to people but no one wanted trouble so they didn’t advice me much and I honestly did not open up enough anyway as I was still afraid that he would do something worse.

About a month later, things were a bit off but I knew I didn’t want the relationship anymore, I simply couldn’t figure out how to voice my feelings and feel safe at the same time. I began to let it show in my actions by not being available, making new friends, going home more often instead of running away etc.

One day I was with Fiyo, and he had issues with my friendship with Seyi and asked me to drive to his place so I did. If I had said no, he may have hit me which he eventually did that day.

He basically confronted us both when we got the there and yelled at at us trying to understand why we were even friends in the first place. Seyi tried to calm him down but aggravated him even more that he slapped me. After warning Seyi to stay away I drove off alone, embarrassed and hurt because I could not understand why I deserved such treatment.

In that moment, I felt like his property. I had given him my virginity and he now felt he owned me so I was his prisoner. There were subtle signs that had led on to this point such as him having sexual relations when I did not feel like it, feeling entitled to things I had, being controlling and more.

It took two rebounds to get him away from me but I was still hurt, lost and needed to heal from the experience.

As I didn’t know better at the time, I was in another relationship sooner than necessary but figured me out much later.

*Inserts heavy sigh of relief here*

The Issue

Fiyo was insecure and enjoyed what I had to offer, knowing he did not deserve it he made sure he felt like home and didn’t want me to have other friends etc.

He also wanted to control me so anyone that came close was known and redirected especially guys that were a threat to him like Seyi.

To add to the the injury, I did not love myself so it was a recipe for disaster from day one.

Is it resolved?

Yes, time and prayer has healed me as I am able to love again. He also called years later to apologize but I had already forgiven him and moved on.

This blog post is almost the last piece to my healing as I am now comfortable enough to share and help other women recognize the signs of an insecure man.

Stay beautiful and woke loves!