The Power of Pain

Pain is a territory I’m very familiar with but there are two types of pain. Good pain and bad pain and believe me it is important to know so that you don’t suppress or rush to relief yourself anytime you feel pain.

Pain can be described as an unwanted and sometimes unexpected emotion that disrupts the peace of any process or thing.

Good pain leads positively while bad pain has no true home. Examples of good pain are discomfort during workouts, punishment/fines for bad behavior, hurt from human beings etc. while bad pain could be heartbreak, accidents, disappointments and more.

There are ways to manage both to your benefit but try to avoid bad pain as much as necessary because it ruins our innocence and robs us of our livelihood.

Managing Good Pain

1. Recognize the source and go into self observation mode to understand why the pain is present so you don’t miss the message.

2. Master it. Study about it, do your research.

3. Reinforce it to push you towards short and long term goals.

4. Make it routine if possible.

Managing Bad Pain

1. Depending on your mental and emotional literacy, lean towards and understanding what is really hurting. Sometimes there is either deeper meaning/reason.

2. Self correction i.e. stop with the over-the-top expectations of others etc.

3. Don’t be too cautious and learn discernment.

I hope this gives you more insight and teaches you that pain is not a sign to stop, exhaustion is – so on that note, allow pain push you forward 🖤

Hugs,

LovingAdeola.

OUFIT DETAILS;

JUMPSUIT – ASOS

PUMPS – FOREVER21

BAG – HM

HAIR – CROWNSNLASHES

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Whitney Houston

Hey beautiful!

So last week my mind was bent on seeing Whitney (the movie) and it was worth it. There are some celebrities that seem relatable in a sense and most times I’m drawn to them. In Whitney’s case, it was a strong feeling.

After watching it, I encourage you to and will like to share some lessons inspired by the movie;

1. Most talented individuals know they have talent from an early age. It takes some form of cultivation and support to push and ignite it. Parents are usually the first to notice.

2. A mothers love can change a child’s life.

3. Discipline is never easy but necessary for change.

4. When a family starts to fall apart, the children suffer the most especially if in their formative years. Once you start becoming an adult though, I encourage you to get help to heal because no matter who you are, it does something to you.

5. Be careful of the company you keep. They are choices so pick wisely. Friends are not safety nets – you should be dependent yet independent.

6. Sexual fluidity is a thing. Be careful because curiosity can kill a cat. If your mind is not strong you might be confused about your sexual identity. Sexual trauma should also be dealt with if any i.e rape, molestation etc.

7. Money comes and goes. Do not let it define you.

8. Take care of family every chance you CAN.

9. The same way your friends matter, the person you chose to spend life with matters even more. They will either pull you up or pull you down.

10. Parents, prioritize your children and if not possible, find a way. They are the future and will honor you.

11. No matter where you find yourself, study the culture and try to adapt without losing yourself. It could be a new country, job etc.

12. Drugs….enough said.

13. Jealousy is a scary vice that makes the jealous individual ugly. If not careful, it can lead one to do evil things.

14. Failure is an event and not a definition of who you are.

15. Codependency is not love.

16. Be supportive but do not carry those around you be it family or friends.

17. Holding onto pain, eats you up and never the other. So your reaction to everything matters.

18. Death is inevitable. Parents prepare your children for it. It really is your responsibility. Don’t breed overly dependent and sheltered children.

19. Fix your childhood trauma or any after childhood. Deal with them, don’t suppress them and “fake move on”. They will creep up on you and can ruin your life. By childhood trauma it could be mental illness, molestation (which makes you question your sexuality), bullying, family divorce etc.

20. Shame is a powerful emotion. Empathy kills it so open up to safe loved ones.

You can be alive yet a zombie,

Just roaming earth,

Looking for yourself,

Not feeding anyone,

Running away from and to yourself,

Not knowing who you really are,

Money, people and love may be around you,

But as a zombie you won’t be able to feel or see these things and their value.

Take it easy my girl 🖤

OUTFIT DETAILS:

Top and shorts – Forever 21

Hair – Ali express

Fanny pack – Aldo

Female friendships: What I’ve Learnt!

Hey girls!

I hope you are well and this post hits home like it did for me. In my life, I’ve been blessed with beautiful and strong female friends that pull me up and keep me grounded.

Friend – Oreoluwa Adeniji, Model.

You will see pictures of them in this post as I magically shot pictures with a few of them to create fashion looks that will inspire you today!

Anyway….

The next series of points are gems that I have learnt from my female friendships on how I keep the relationships alive, peaceful and fruitful;

Friend – Ronke Raji, Influencer

1. Honesty at all times. One lie just leads to another and think of your friends as your supporters. Another set of parameters that God has placed in your life to help you live and make better decisions. Telling one lie and then another about anything is a recipe for disaster.

2. Pace yourself with these friendships. I personally tend to keep to myself if I meet a female and hear any traces of lack of self love because I know they are not happy. Its different if they are asking for help but I don’t go around thinking everybody needs helps, that’s disrespectful.

Friend – Akhila, Finance Associate

There is a certain discernment I’ve been blessed with so I’m just picky about who I let in my life because if you turn out to really be negative then I’ve done a disservice to self by not protecting my peace.

When you meet new females, take it slow. It’s not only with men you do this with. It’s with any relationship – earn it so that you can respect it and it can flourish from there.

3. Handling insecurities among women is also tricky but doable. One tip we are all flowers, no rose outshines the other. You may all just not be on the same confidence level which is okay. If you respect each other, then you know how to handle yourself when one is not feeling as great as the other. Pull her up, remind her that her beauty is unique and with time through self love, she will feel better.

4. Career support: Women, do you understand that we are powerful? So when you see another woman trying to find her purpose, help her within your capacity. Don’t over extend yourself as that ends in resentment. Just be positive, uplifting and cheerlead as they grow. If in different industries, you can actually get involved with each other’s profession and learn something new! Some times you may find that you have inspired your friend to chase their dreams as well.

The issue comes when you get in a competitive mindset and start to get ugly with it – so unnecessary.

5. Respect their spouses. Do not get nosy or intrude in their lives! If they ever need to talk to you, and need your input, they will ask. So don’t go offering unwarranted opinion on your idea of what love/dating should look like. Bye now!

6. During fights, maintain respect and give space to reflect. We women are very emotional and that’s okay but we need to be sensitive to each other’s feelings.

Happy Thursday love!

OMG! January is over!

Hey loves!

We are in the first quarter of the year and so far so good I am well! I hope you are too so I’m checking in to provide some lifestyle tips on what to do to ensure that you are on the right path towards achieving your goals this year.

Tip 1.

Are you in sync with your religion and spirituality?

If no, why not and if yes, that’s awesome! Keep up the good work.

Tip 2.

Full body Physical.

When was your last check up? Have you ever gotten a pap smear girls? Do you know your BMI? Do you eat healthy?

Tell the truth, hahaha!

Tip 3.

How are your energy levels?

You really do get what you put out there so if it’s low, chances are you don’t have much fun or may not be happy. Try to figure out why so you can exude positivity.

Tip 4.

Have you been preserving yourself?

I learnt this the hard way due to graduate school, blogging and a finance career. I’ve had to sacrifice some stuff such as partying, a few relationships, dating and to an extent traveling! Sometimes you really need to do nothing and just relax. The benefits are endless, just google them.

Tip 5.

How is your credit/financial health?

Are you in debt? Do you earn as much as you deserve? How are your savings?

Check on the bag even while securing it!

Until next time loves 🖤

Outfit Details

Top – Asos

Pants – Forever 21 Plus

Shoes and Bag – Payless

Green lipstick – Dr M. by Colorpop and Midnight Wasabi by Fenty Beauty

Photographer – Ronke Raji

5 quick tips on recovery after rejection

Blazer – Lane Bryant

Skirt – Lane Bryant

Boots – Forever 21

Hey love!

See below for five quick tips on dealing with rejection as I know it can be challenging at times;

– Pray for strength to understand why it happened and learn the lesson from the experience.

– Speak in affirmations for a duration of time depending on your comfort level until your confidence is restored.

– Exercise to relieve mental stress and be in good spirits.

– Communicate. Share the experience with a close friend and rub minds on what happened if you need to.

– Redirect that negative energy and use it to do something beneficial for yourself. Instead of wasting your time wondering why some guy or firm won’t ef with you.

Try these out and let me know if they work for you doll.

Love you loads,

Addie.

Fall Blues: Mr Im-not-ready

Girl! How are you?

I’m well but I have to share this with you because I want you to be able to catch these types when they “come through”.

Boy, oh boy!

Mr. I’m-not-ready will have you falling quicker than expected because he will sell you something he can’t offer.

What makes meeting such so unfortunate is the fact that most of the time, these men do not even know who they are yet or love themselves. On that note, why will you make a bad choice and be emotionally irresponsible?

It is almost inexcusable and I sound this way because I did it! Oh girl, I won’t come to you if I haven’t experienced and felt this through to healing.

With him, you might do just anything because he’ll be so good at playing the part and even like you but will most likely never love you.

They probably do not understand what love is if they are not giving it to themselves. You feel me?

My point here is try to pay attention love. Listen to a man when he is talking and you’re getting to know him. Don’t rush it, just enjoy it and see where it goes…

Experiencing such a relationship was one of the hardest things I had to get over but I did it and that’s why I’m able to share this with you I now.

As always, I love you.

Addie 🖤