SURPRISE!

Hey girl!

This is a formal invitation to my first DMV event which will be held in Maryland, USA.

More details will be disclosed as well as a welcome email once you order your ticket!

Expect a fun, safe and open space for us to share personal stories and challenges with one another.

To motivate, heal and empower each other. A social event to elevate your being and kick off your win.

Click here to order your tickets and stay tuned!

Follow me on Instagram at @lovingadeola for more real time updates!

Love you 🖤

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Whitney Houston

Hey beautiful!

So last week my mind was bent on seeing Whitney (the movie) and it was worth it. There are some celebrities that seem relatable in a sense and most times I’m drawn to them. In Whitney’s case, it was a strong feeling.

After watching it, I encourage you to and will like to share some lessons inspired by the movie;

1. Most talented individuals know they have talent from an early age. It takes some form of cultivation and support to push and ignite it. Parents are usually the first to notice.

2. A mothers love can change a child’s life.

3. Discipline is never easy but necessary for change.

4. When a family starts to fall apart, the children suffer the most especially if in their formative years. Once you start becoming an adult though, I encourage you to get help to heal because no matter who you are, it does something to you.

5. Be careful of the company you keep. They are choices so pick wisely. Friends are not safety nets – you should be dependent yet independent.

6. Sexual fluidity is a thing. Be careful because curiosity can kill a cat. If your mind is not strong you might be confused about your sexual identity. Sexual trauma should also be dealt with if any i.e rape, molestation etc.

7. Money comes and goes. Do not let it define you.

8. Take care of family every chance you CAN.

9. The same way your friends matter, the person you chose to spend life with matters even more. They will either pull you up or pull you down.

10. Parents, prioritize your children and if not possible, find a way. They are the future and will honor you.

11. No matter where you find yourself, study the culture and try to adapt without losing yourself. It could be a new country, job etc.

12. Drugs….enough said.

13. Jealousy is a scary vice that makes the jealous individual ugly. If not careful, it can lead one to do evil things.

14. Failure is an event and not a definition of who you are.

15. Codependency is not love.

16. Be supportive but do not carry those around you be it family or friends.

17. Holding onto pain, eats you up and never the other. So your reaction to everything matters.

18. Death is inevitable. Parents prepare your children for it. It really is your responsibility. Don’t breed overly dependent and sheltered children.

19. Fix your childhood trauma or any after childhood. Deal with them, don’t suppress them and “fake move on”. They will creep up on you and can ruin your life. By childhood trauma it could be mental illness, molestation (which makes you question your sexuality), bullying, family divorce etc.

20. Shame is a powerful emotion. Empathy kills it so open up to safe loved ones.

You can be alive yet a zombie,

Just roaming earth,

Looking for yourself,

Not feeding anyone,

Running away from and to yourself,

Not knowing who you really are,

Money, people and love may be around you,

But as a zombie you won’t be able to feel or see these things and their value.

Take it easy my girl 🖤

OUTFIT DETAILS:

Top and shorts – Forever 21

Hair – Ali express

Fanny pack – Aldo

Female friendships: What I’ve Learnt!

Hey girls!

I hope you are well and this post hits home like it did for me. In my life, I’ve been blessed with beautiful and strong female friends that pull me up and keep me grounded.

Friend – Oreoluwa Adeniji, Model.

You will see pictures of them in this post as I magically shot pictures with a few of them to create fashion looks that will inspire you today!

Anyway….

The next series of points are gems that I have learnt from my female friendships on how I keep the relationships alive, peaceful and fruitful;

Friend – Ronke Raji, Influencer

1. Honesty at all times. One lie just leads to another and think of your friends as your supporters. Another set of parameters that God has placed in your life to help you live and make better decisions. Telling one lie and then another about anything is a recipe for disaster.

2. Pace yourself with these friendships. I personally tend to keep to myself if I meet a female and hear any traces of lack of self love because I know they are not happy. Its different if they are asking for help but I don’t go around thinking everybody needs helps, that’s disrespectful.

Friend – Akhila, Finance Associate

There is a certain discernment I’ve been blessed with so I’m just picky about who I let in my life because if you turn out to really be negative then I’ve done a disservice to self by not protecting my peace.

When you meet new females, take it slow. It’s not only with men you do this with. It’s with any relationship – earn it so that you can respect it and it can flourish from there.

3. Handling insecurities among women is also tricky but doable. One tip we are all flowers, no rose outshines the other. You may all just not be on the same confidence level which is okay. If you respect each other, then you know how to handle yourself when one is not feeling as great as the other. Pull her up, remind her that her beauty is unique and with time through self love, she will feel better.

4. Career support: Women, do you understand that we are powerful? So when you see another woman trying to find her purpose, help her within your capacity. Don’t over extend yourself as that ends in resentment. Just be positive, uplifting and cheerlead as they grow. If in different industries, you can actually get involved with each other’s profession and learn something new! Some times you may find that you have inspired your friend to chase their dreams as well.

The issue comes when you get in a competitive mindset and start to get ugly with it – so unnecessary.

5. Respect their spouses. Do not get nosy or intrude in their lives! If they ever need to talk to you, and need your input, they will ask. So don’t go offering unwarranted opinion on your idea of what love/dating should look like. Bye now!

6. During fights, maintain respect and give space to reflect. We women are very emotional and that’s okay but we need to be sensitive to each other’s feelings.

Happy Thursday love!

Pink January

Hey loves!

Here are two cute spring looks one of my besties and I shot in NY! It was so much fun!

Details

1. Pink Turtle neck – Goodwill

2. Pink Skater Skirt – Forever 21 Plus

3. Hot Pink Thigh-highs – Asos Curve

4. Baby Pink Sweater dress – HM

5. Puff Ball Earrings – HM

6. Berets – Pink Plastic Babes

7. Friends website – RonkeRaji.com

Top Five Reasons people are not open in relationships

Hey loves!

I was on the bus back from NY and asked my brother what to blog on as I had just finished another draft and had nothing.

Minutes go by and he sends me a brief mini rant about people who aren’t open in relationships, not while they’re dating but when they are exclusive as there is a difference.

I’ve dated and committed to such personalities before and honestly it takes time to open up to another person. To make it even more challenging, it’s only rewarding when it happens naturally. You can push but with pacing, patience and listening, you can get to know a person and understand them.

My millennials, I figure you are my audience here because I am worried for us. While marriage is not on my bucket list for personal reasons, I think the Bible set the tone for what marriage should be and being open is one of the requirements as the couple merges to become one.

If a lover is not open, here could be why;

1. They are not at peace with themselves and probably have not self nurtured to achieve maturity enough to be open when they want.

When a person has a lot going on or might really be immoral, they tend to keep to themselves as they have a lot to hide. When I was wild, I never spoke a word and now I’m sure when old classmates read my posts, they are confused. They are like huh she seemed quiet and bored. Boy, oh boy – I was always on something, going somewhere, with someone.

No fucking peace of mind. I mean none – so tell me what I wanna tell lover boy? You better carry and go or stay and be mute 😂

2. They do not trust themselves or you.

Laughing already because without trust there can never be full openness. I mean, so comfortable that your spouse understands you without even talking.

I currently have friendships like that with my girls and I tell one that I hope my husband if I end up with one is as open as we are with each other. I want to tell him why I don’t feel like going to church today, I want to tell him my past so he knows who I am and how I became, I don’t want to have to tell him to be thoughtful because when open you are in synch with your partner. The benefits are amazing so if not ready to be open but you want love, go back to your inner self, check in and then try again.

3. Immaturity – enough said here.

4. Self-reliance syndrome.

I know because I struggle with being open, my life will have to get written. When? I do not know darling but it will be so because I have seen quite a bit and by the time I leave earth I may not have shared all as life is not guaranteed!

With such people, they are so hard on themselves that they strive for independence and self nurturing. Since I’m one of them, it can be hell I tell you. I know because of this reason I suck at making friends and when I do it takes a lot to get through. Some may disagree because I’m super warm and don’t mind sharing little things but um it’s all a front, once you leave me you may find that I let you do all the talking and didn’t even say much. With my nurturing personality, I probably talk about your well being and keep it moving.

Side note – Don’t try to push things or force things out of me, that will end the relationship instantly. Savage but with a sweet side 😉

5. Finally! Intentions are another reason people do not open up.

Depending on your upbringing and experiences, you should know life can be wicked. The strong ones just breathe positivity and find strength in how much they love themselves but people’s intention really contribute to setting the tone of a relationship. Are you trying to get to know me? Why? To date? Sleep with me? Waste my time? Fish for information? Make conversation? What?

How about we all relax and just have fun and not be so closed. If you love you, it’s easier to be open as you become unapologetic about who you are.

At that point, you mean what you say and you tell only what you want. If you don’t want to reveal anything, you won’t.

Let’s not make it seem like we’re obligated to be open. You’re not but if you want true love, learn to be open to the right people, (God first) in the right places, and under the right circumstances.

It’s another choice YOU have to make so choose right.

Until next time my loves,

Addie 🖤

Outfit Details.

Dress – Asos

Shoes – Justfab (I added the puffy shoe clips which are from Aldo)

Leopard Print and Mr Not ready

Ola and I met when I ended things with Mr. Insecure number two – he was very laid back, observant and fun. We connected on a dating site I was passing time on and at first I made it a little hard staying detached and uninterested but he read through it and was persistent. Three weeks in, we wanted to hang out daily and we did – for the first twelve months or honestly the entire relationship, we were inseparable except on some vacations. If you saw him in church, you saw me. As if we weren’t obvious enough, we also had a lot of matching outfits we bought together. At his school, if I had no class, you may have seen me too. Why?

This was my best friend and I was not afraid to fall because it felt right. Time passed and all I felt was inconsistency. We also had our differences but agreed to accept them because we “loved” each other. Deep within me, I was not comfortable with some things he did but I accepted them and tried to talk to him about it almost daily, weekly then monthly. Not sure why I didn’t just leave knowing that I was slowly getting upset repeating and compromising myself every damn time. Well Addie, how could you? We had so much fun; we went on dates, weekend trips, owambes, and even explored our city every chance we got.  Every night when we weren’t exclusive, he took me out and made sure I left him smiling. Soon enough, we made “love” and after that it was magic. One so wanting of the other that when we had residence issues, we decided to live together and I was excited. If you’re reading this, you know right there that this is where I effed up yea? I know, I know.

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We got a super nice place in Owings mills,MD and my bougie self  made it look a million bucks. Over time, we even had game nights with other couple friends and several house parties which were lit. All was good until I started to feel weird frequencies (energy) and I couldn’t hold. I broke and started asking questions. Sometimes, I’ll ask or check his phone – Once he stepped out the first time, it was hell. I felt betrayal but he continued repeatedly stepping out which did not make things any easier.

I couldn’t understand why he was into prostitutes or comfortable with the idea. He followed some heavily nude pages as well as strippers which made me feel like I wasn’t enough. Imagine the emotional torture? This even excluded girls from school or other friends he had that he would talk to. Matter of fact my baby boo had an affair and I felt it when it was happening but had no confirmation(this is one I even knew about and I remember her like it was yesterday b).

Solely from the cheating, I lost trust and then me trying to hold on to something that wasn’t there anymore. Or maybe it never was Addie. Something prematurely offered yet true? Scratch that because love shouldn’t hurt.

Lukman claimed to love me and would have loved to give me the world but how could he when he did not even love himself at all? To add salt upon injury, my self love was barely there so imagine the burden. I was spiritually heavy and I didn’t even know it. I stayed because i “loved” him and he was always sorry. I tried to be the best girl in the world instead of just being me and allowing him love me the way I am but believe me a man must love, know and accept himself before he can let a woman in and vice versa.

I kept the house clean, was his biggest cheerleader, did my kegel exercises, stayed fit, cooked often which never satisfied him since he was a chef and my effort didn’t really count. Lukman cared about me but did not love me because he was only giving me what he could for as long as he could. Once he got an opportunity to break up, he did. Not to hurt me but to avoid further damage. It just proved how weak our “love” was.

Here’s how it happened.

One evening, I found out that he went to go see his ex and I was upset because our discussions always ended with exes being a no-no. He couldn’t seem to see any fault in his actions after about an hour of going back and forth so I packed my bags and drove off not with the intention of leaving but just to get his attention.

Who was I kidding? I had made it easy. I came back the next morning after sleeping in the car by a dunkin donuts to a breakup talk. He was letting me go and “it wasn’t me it was him”.

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I was confused and angry until I finally had a meltdown. Suicide crossed my mind but I am no weak bi$@h so I fought it. We still lived together for another couple of months after as the option to break the lease was unnecessarily pricy so we decided to hang in there.

I was in hell. I felt myself drowning. I self medicated heavily daily and sunk in my thoughts. Work was affected as everything felt stressful. I was just lost. I died inside over and over. He tried to re-explain that he loved me but this needed to happen but I was not there anymore. At some point, I would hear him but be far away. I went into shutdown mode and didn’t think it was real. For days, I would cry and be like ”wait, are you sure?” – Thinking it was a tension thing because of the argument.

Even worse!

Time passed and my mum always told me to have savings so I moved out when it was closer to the end of the lease. If I didn’t leave when I did, I may not be here today.

The court meetings to finalize pending bills were emotionally stressful and draining because we would argue sometimes but we got through it somehow.

Right before I actually moved out of the apartment, he got brave and invited girls over. The first time it happened I thought I was seeing double but over time I saw enough to get used to it.

On one specific occasion, I came home early from work. It was super innocent but for a valid reason and as I walked in, I saw legs running obviously. Curtain movements too and I figured he had a guest. At this point even with everything going on you have to understand I still had feelings for him but I cannot forget this day. I called a co-worker because I was numb. I had never been treated like this before or been in such a situation and I dislike conflict so I was panicking. After a while he came out, with this hard look on his face and said off to work. I felt like he didn’t even see me at all.

I got goosebumps when I saw the girl. She said nothing and just walked the other way. He tried to hide her and have her go through sliding doors (balcony) but it was too late. Now when a guy is cheating or even moving on, don’t you even guess it’ll be someone ridiculously attractive or somehow better in a good way. This girl was dressed masculine, had a low cut, slight slouch and looked very….idk. I don’t even want to know…

That hurt even more because in all honesty, I looked better and was a unicorn but still wasn’t enough. Confused dot com!

I went on dates those final days in the apartment to distract myself but walked out on too many of them. It was hilarious and I look back and laugh now because I was hurting and trying to be sane but it didn’t help.

Some nights when I managed to sleep, I’ll have nightmares, wake up and he’ll be up as well. Things were so awkward for a while…

The second significant occurrence after the walk in was just epic. After I moved out, i still came over because I still cared as there were bills to pay and I still had some type of feelings but he had a new girlfriend. He would be on the phone with her and it’ll be on speaker sometimes, he’ll take her out etc and I was so confused because we just broke up but I pitied her as she was just buying time. One night, I got there and he told me his girlfriend was around so i had to leave. I almost went love and hip hop on his a@$ but I’m just not bred that way so after talking to my sister, i left peacefully.

Enough was enough as I had a breakthrough and decided to try taking it one day at a time. Just loving Adeola, bathing Adeola, praying for Adeola, speaking to Adeola, healing Adeola and here we are now…

As I loved myself daily, I found my healing. I pulled strength I didn’t know I had and bounced back. It’s called resilience baby. Ever since my dad told me I was, I nurtured the strength and rely on it a lot. It’s been quite a journey and the self love work never ends for me as I am a rose and I will die and rebirth a hundred times till I leave earth.

I eff with that. You feel me?

Lukman had a huge impact on my life. He was a wake up call and truth be told I have dated guys who despite knowing they cannot be serious with you, string you along and even have a child with you all to get a divorce sometime down the road. What a waste.

I am not in love with him anymore. We are now just friends and I do not know what the future holds but I only wish him all the good things in life. Nothing more, nothing less.

Baby girl, pain is power so when you feel it, especially in times like this, source the why and harness that power into something beautiful such as yourself, a business etc.

You will become unstoppable.

Love you girl,

Stay strong,

Addie.