The Power of Pain

Pain is a territory I’m very familiar with but there are two types of pain. Good pain and bad pain and believe me it is important to know so that you don’t suppress or rush to relief yourself anytime you feel pain.

Pain can be described as an unwanted and sometimes unexpected emotion that disrupts the peace of any process or thing.

Good pain leads positively while bad pain has no true home. Examples of good pain are discomfort during workouts, punishment/fines for bad behavior, hurt from human beings etc. while bad pain could be heartbreak, accidents, disappointments and more.

There are ways to manage both to your benefit but try to avoid bad pain as much as necessary because it ruins our innocence and robs us of our livelihood.

Managing Good Pain

1. Recognize the source and go into self observation mode to understand why the pain is present so you don’t miss the message.

2. Master it. Study about it, do your research.

3. Reinforce it to push you towards short and long term goals.

4. Make it routine if possible.

Managing Bad Pain

1. Depending on your mental and emotional literacy, lean towards and understanding what is really hurting. Sometimes there is either deeper meaning/reason.

2. Self correction i.e. stop with the over-the-top expectations of others etc.

3. Don’t be too cautious and learn discernment.

I hope this gives you more insight and teaches you that pain is not a sign to stop, exhaustion is – so on that note, allow pain push you forward 🖤

Hugs,

LovingAdeola.

OUFIT DETAILS;

JUMPSUIT – ASOS

PUMPS – FOREVER21

BAG – HM

HAIR – CROWNSNLASHES

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The importance of mastering detachment

Hey loves!

Detachment is described as disconnecting from a relationship, feeling, thought or assumption.

For clarity, I am referencing emotional detachment as it is a skill I am currently self training on. Believe me when I tell you my self love journey is no joke because I am always learning and changing (growing).

Lately, I had a negative experience I couldn’t shake off for a while. Matter of fact, the person that got me angered could feel it but I carried on with a horrible mood that day then learnt something great after talking to a mentor.

Emotional detachment from any situation is an early step that boosts ones chances of making logical decisions. When emotions get in the way, our judgement is flawed which usually leads to biased decision making. In this case, I could have saved my energy and realized my reaction was my power.

I’m usually good with that but like I said practice makes perfect and this is a required life skill that we should try to learn so that one can leverage this when needed.

Four benefits are;

– Lower chances of sabotaging situations.

– Better Judgement calls.

– Clarity even when emotions run high!

– Quick decision making skills

Thanks for reading love!

YOUR TURN to share – do you practice this? Have you ever had to detach? Talk to me.

OMG! January is over!

Hey loves!

We are in the first quarter of the year and so far so good I am well! I hope you are too so I’m checking in to provide some lifestyle tips on what to do to ensure that you are on the right path towards achieving your goals this year.

Tip 1.

Are you in sync with your religion and spirituality?

If no, why not and if yes, that’s awesome! Keep up the good work.

Tip 2.

Full body Physical.

When was your last check up? Have you ever gotten a pap smear girls? Do you know your BMI? Do you eat healthy?

Tell the truth, hahaha!

Tip 3.

How are your energy levels?

You really do get what you put out there so if it’s low, chances are you don’t have much fun or may not be happy. Try to figure out why so you can exude positivity.

Tip 4.

Have you been preserving yourself?

I learnt this the hard way due to graduate school, blogging and a finance career. I’ve had to sacrifice some stuff such as partying, a few relationships, dating and to an extent traveling! Sometimes you really need to do nothing and just relax. The benefits are endless, just google them.

Tip 5.

How is your credit/financial health?

Are you in debt? Do you earn as much as you deserve? How are your savings?

Check on the bag even while securing it!

Until next time loves 🖤

Outfit Details

Top – Asos

Pants – Forever 21 Plus

Shoes and Bag – Payless

Green lipstick – Dr M. by Colorpop and Midnight Wasabi by Fenty Beauty

Photographer – Ronke Raji

10 Life Lessons I learnt in October

Hey girl hey!

October has been crazy busy for me and I hope that you can forgive me because I just filled my calendar up with growth opportunities.

I just wanted to do it!

What you may ask?

Left my state temporarily, had midterms and needed a virtual break.

I’m back now and God always uses life to teach me things that help me get where I need to be in life and I appreciate him so much for staying by me.

Enjoy this list and let me know if any of these lessons help;

1. Life is borrowed. We all have an expiry dates so it all boils down to whether you lived well and made a significant impact in the world.

On that note, I decided to be more vulnerable with my posts and true to self because there is an audience I want to connect with and help grow. I really do not want any girls going through what I have gone through. Matter of fact, it won’t be fair to just go through life and keep all these experiences or mistakes I have learnt from.

The message here is ensure you live a good life. No one else is responsible for that but you.

2. Patience is a virtue that is unfortunately not common. With how tough life is, you will need to learn that if not already learnt because in dealing with people and life events, patience is required for understanding, learning and discernment.

Ask God to help you with being patient so that you can also be more accepting of others and their differences.

In essence, you will be a better person when you take your time with things and not rush through life. It’s already short to be honest so just chill.

3. Doubting one self is the beginning of confusion. When you do not stick to a decision made, it makes you question self trust and we all have to trust ourselves so that we can love ourselves better.

E.g I keep blocking and unblocking my ex and my brains always asks me what I’m looking for.

I wish I knew because in a matter of days after unblocking, I’m reminded of the reason I decided to just move on in the first place.

Imagine! Why break my own heart for no reason just because I won’t woman up and stick to a decision?! Ugh.

4. Respect others.

A person is made up of cells, family upbringing, life events, education and finally, religion. These are a lot of components we all know nothing about when you meet a person.

As you get to know them they share more about who they are but respect is important because you will not always agree and you have to be able to communicate and argue effectively without being rude.

I learnt this at work and it’s a stickler because I am now working on respecting others more.

5. Sex is not overrated (for those who said it was here’s why you might feel that way)

I got to this place where I had had enough but I had it with all the wrong people so I wasn’t even sure what a true connection felt like as opposed to just laying there and not being present.

Matter of fact it has gotten more difficult to just open my legs anyhow over temporary pleasure and semi permanent pain. I get the feelings sometimes and figure it out somehow but as I m growing with my self love journey, it is a sin as a Catholic so I do my best to preserve myself.

Not perfect but acknowledging it is a first step. In essence, close your legs so that when you do open them it feels right.

6. Pace your life

Everything happens in seasons. It ties into not rushing but it’s a different point because pacing/finding a balance often holds little weight with some of us. We fill our schedules with things to keep us from facing the deeper aspects of self that require attention i.e. connecting with people, mental health, fitness etc.

Make time for recreational activities, dream chasing and self care so that you can really feel healthy and fulfilled.

For me, I dropped one major because I was getting my masters degree in two fields and thought what is my end goal? Do I really care for this degree? Will I use it or I just want to please my parents? Since It held no true value, I took the stress and fake productivity off my plate and was able to reorganize better.

Another example was when my last relationship didn’t work out, I almost rushed through healing and wanted to replace him to fill that void but God forced me to stick with it, deal with the emotions by sending me a helper to understand why it happened so it doesn’t repeat itself.

7. The importance of family

Now all my friends know I can’t fully relate here because I’m from a semi mixed and separated family which has helped me more than hurt but I have to elaborate here.

There was a day I felt like I couldn’t talk to anyone but my sisters face kept flashing in my mind and I had convinced myself that she was too young to be there for me as a first born so I decided not to talk to her.

Days later, I wasn’t feeling any better and I just did it.

She advised me and cheered me up and it’s not a big deal but to me. I do not take the family I’m still close to for granted. Their happiness is mine and I know that I will never be alone as long as I have them. They empower me and make me feel whole.

Some friends do become family but in the end it is not the same. Blood is blood.

8. Women carry too much

This one was an eye opener because the expectations on women in our society today is ridiculous. We’re expected to have a 9-5, full on education, stay healthy (skinny even if possible), have kids, care for a spouse, keep the house in good shape, have a career etc.

Does this list ever end? Are we empowering men to do the same?

I’ll leave this here but as a millennial pick wisely. Personally my spouse (wherever he is) will need to show a level of understanding as I am an ambitious woman and there is a price.

I won’t be cooking daily bro but we can make a roster 😂

9. Dealing with People is a skill

I’ve met too many types of human beings and we are all beautifully flawed so i’ll share a tip that works for me.

I somehow figure out your birthday(Well, you tell me cus I ain’t no creep 😂) and because I’m spiritual, I believe in zodiacs so it gives me an idea of what your personality might be like.

E.g most cancers are extreme nurturers and come off super nice or guarded, Libras are charismatic and great at being diplomatic. Aquarius’ are helpers and Capricorn’s super stubborn plus love to be in control.

Off course, there is more but these are a few I’m super familiar with.

Over time, I match the personality with the life experiences you’ve shared with me and we grow as friends because I understand you better.

Try it out loves, it works!

10. When life burns you out or you get overwhelmed – prioritize you even more!

Sometimes it all gets so crazy with work, school, life etc but when you start feeling tired and demotivated, make sure you take a break and begin a scheduled self care routine. Do only what makes you happy and rejuvenate your spirit for newer and better girl.

With all that being said, I hope you can take away some things and incorporate them into your life tools for becoming an awesome person!

Love you 🖤

Addie.

The Importance of Protecting your Peace

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Happy Saturday suscribers and new comers! I hope you are well.

Today’s post stresses the importance of protecting your peace and well being plus I’m sure you will enjoy this post because we all struggle with this depending on the type of person we are.  As I continue on my self love journey, I find that peace of mind is so essential to me and it affects every decision I make from dealing with people to how I feel at work and even my dating life because the minute I get a negative vibe, I remove myself from the situation especially when I am not fully/partially vested there.

Here is what I mean, it’s harder to remove myself from dealing with an ex because we have so much history as opposed to a new friend I just met but over time, I eventually get to it. Lately, I started to lose myself because I pushed me a little too much; I almost forced dating a guy I didnt even like, a friendship that didn’t appreciate my effort and even a business that almost overlooked my contributions to its success.

As I realized my worth and how I wanted to feel, I pushed back on almost everything and imagine the result! I’m glad I didn’t chase the friendship as God showed me as sign that allowed me understand it probably wasn’t for me. Dating that guy would have failed because I have to like you to be with you, why feel guilty saying no when it is the best decision anyway? Lastly, the business realized my importance after declining their initial offer and accepting a second offer which is what I deserve. How do I feel? At peace because I put me first, know my worth and listened to my gut.

So many blessings occur when you prioritize peace. See a few below;

  • A total glow up is acheived because you are well rested & self care is never neglected hence making better choices.
  • Stress management becomes easier because you are still when peace is present so one is able to deal with stress better than most.
  • It also assists us with maintaining happiness which requires constant and mindful effort.
  • Boosts self confidence.
  • Growth is also easier since one is focused enough to work on getting to where they really want to be.
  • Lastly, clarity. I cannot tell you how many decisions I have made that went well and even exceeded expectation because I was/am at peace.

    I’m sure you agree with me loves, If you haven’t been concerned about finding your peace then get to it please. I promise you will feel better and over time the blessings are unbelievable.

You begin to grow into yourself, you see clearly and can easily sense when something is not for you.

Have a great weekend loves and as always, checkout my instagram page, follow and suscribe for more inspiring posts!


Addie.

Quick tips on finding and getting to know yourself.

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Hey girl, hey!

Here are some quick tips that helped me find, get to know and accept myself. I am sharing these with you in efforts to help anyone who is struggling with this. It is a tough process but if prioritized, can be achieved and even be a life saver from making bad choices in life.

  1. Spend time alone and It may sound crazy but also have conversations with yourself. Personally, I talk to myself almost every morning – I plan my day and tell myself how I want my day to go and honestly, it is powerful because 85% of the time, my day goes as planned.
  2. Be a witness of your thoughts and not a reflection. For instance; a colleague upsets you and your first thought is to be rude and avenge that little annoyance. This is a reflection of how you feel but if you simply let the thoughts be present yet react differently i.e let it go and move on you may have mastered the art of controlling your emotions.
  3. Talk to close friends and reveal past hurt, issues with family or friends, career challenges and even spousal troubles because we cannot harbor too much negativity and pain. It can be detrimental to our growth in life so it is important that you reveal and deal with things as they come so you can let go and create space for the new.
  4. Ensure that you have some kind of trusted support system. Off course within yourself first and then others. It can be family, friends or even your accountability partner.
  5. Listen to your GUT. I’m not sure why some girls question themselves when they have a hunch about something. Personally, my gut has never failed me. She is actually like a protective parent and when she feels a ‘vibe’, she is usually right and can make better choices. If my gut is ever wrong, I will be sure to be let you know ASAP.
  6. Pray for guidance to grow, comfort to deal with what you may find and strength to accept and love yourself unconditionally.
  7. Remove all excess in your life to create space for physical and mental clarity e.g give away clothes you don’t use, keep your space clean etc.
  8. Lastly, ask yourself why before you make any major decisions in life because to stick to it your reason has to be strong. If your ‘why’ is strong, discipline comes easier and you can stick through it no mater what.

I hope this helps someone out there and if you will like to talk to me about your journey, please leave your email address in the comments section below and I will get back to you.

Much love,

Addie.

The Importance of an accountability partner.

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What is an accountability partner?

An accountability partner is a friend you trust and confide in to hold you responsible for the goals and choices you make in life. I think everyone should have such a friend because we all need at least one person we can be truly honest with, excluding the judgement. Please note that this is deeper than just a normal friendship. Some get lucky and find this component within family or even his/her spouse but this is more for those who do not have such luck.

You may ask: Why can’t we do it ourselves?

It is because we are human and sometimes we get discouraged especially when life gets tough. You need a friend to check in with you from time to time. I have an accountability partner and we talk daily but check in on each other’s true feelings and happiness level I would say weekly. We try to discuss all areas from career, life purpose, finances, relationships with men and even our friends and family. It may sound so exposed but it is not a relationship I take for granted especially as a guarded millenial.

Another reason we need one is because we can be our own biggest critic sometimes and you also cannot heal what you don’t reveal. Opening up gives you a chance to release thoughts, ideas, feelings and even express your emotions in a judgement free zone. All your partner needs to do during moments like that is encourage you, redirect you back on track if distracted and even alert you if making a bad choice. Lastly, we get tired, lazy and sometimes end up procastinating on our goals but the right partner will bring it to your attention and help you find your balance so you can focus. Be it slacking on fitness goals, moving with unproductive circles, not loving yourself enough and even dating the wrong person.

How to pick/find an accountability partner.

It should be a friend who is loving, open-minded, calm, private, non-judgmental and mature. These traits are important but we won’t always find them. This is just to give you a general idea on what to look for. It could also be a male or female, the age group should be around yours or older and proximity close by.

3 guaranteed benefits of having an accountability partner.

  • A real-life self care reminder.
  • Support, encouragement and motivation.
  • Honesty which boosts clarity.

So far so good, having one has worked for me. It was not easy to actually find someone and open up willingly but God sent me the right person and it has been working out amazingly. We just had an argument yesterday when I told her to go back to school.
How sway? Lol!
Much later when the heat settled, she saw my point and will probably discuss next steps during our next check in. If she doesnt, I will encourage her until she is ready. No need to add additional pressure when life is hard enough already.

As always,
I love you all and feel free to contact me anytime to talk about anything,
Addie.