Growth: Old Friends, New you

At my current phase in life, If there is anything I have learnt about life, it is its ever-changing and constant-forward motion. Time waits for no-one but as imperfect human beings, our lives and experiences influence us so much so we think we have all the time in the world.

Um, no. Growth occurs and life goes on, so what do you do when you find yourself changing and getting misunderstood all of a sudden? People keep saying ‘OMG, whats up with you, that was so unexpected?’, ‘Oh wow, you’ve changed!’, ‘Ugh, I miss the old you.’, ‘Lol, you used to be so nice’ etc. This has been my current struggle for some time now and I got so frustrated that I decided to deal with it and here are some tips to help If you have this same struggle;

  1. Communication

I really had an issue with this as the introvert in me did not feel the need to explain why I changed to every Tom, Nick and Harry that raised this. I just felt like If they were real, they could see my changes were for the best and nothing more so they would understand and be happy for me. On second thought, it wasn’t fair to them because I knew things were different within me and since they are not inside my head obviously, I need to communicate that somehow so we do not have unnecessary conflict. In scenarios like this, tell your real friends and family what is going on with you so everyone is on the same page and can support you. I stress this because there will be clashes especially if the change is a self learning journey and you are becoming unintentionally unapologetic. Support is always a positive addition as well so don’t worry about sounding ‘extra’ or weak.

2.    Forgiveness.

To grow, you definitely took time away from a lot of people be it friends, acquaintances, family and even residence because you may have moved to a new place during the process. Now that you are aware of the new changes, you will have to forgive yourself for the past and all negative choices that were made because at the end of the day, they have played a role in who you are now.

Those that matter to you will also have to be forgiving of your new habits or changes as it will affect the relationship somehow. I find that one of three things happens, people stay and love you regardless, people leave or they stay trying to figure you out but never really do so so hence you becoming more of an acquaintance and not really a friend.
Oh well, that’s life my g – can’t worry about things out of your control you know.

For instance, you enjoyed smoking weed almost daily with a friend but do not enjoy that anymore and value your health so you cut him/her off since they are not willing to do the same (they don’t have to be). Next thing you know, when you both hang out and you’re not smoking it becomes a problem and causes an argument. Once you let your friend know by communicating the good news (LOL!) about you not wanting to get stoned daily, he/she will hear you and think on it. It either he/she understands and is sorry which will be great, he/she does not understand and you are both not friends anymore or he/she tries to understand but never really does and is not forgiving about it so the friendship dies on its own.

The f- ing struggle sis.

3. Patience and understanding

These two go hand in hand because we are complex creatures and to really listen and understand this new phase, one must be patient with themselves and then understand why they are making these new choices, whom they affect and how to adjust to the changes. It is a lot of inner work between you and God but the third party needs to the patient with you to fully be able to be there for you while adjusting to the new you. Sounds like a huge task but it is not really. An example of practicing this per the last example I just used would be those friends smoking together but not daily, maybe a weekend in a month while other days they just simply hang out. As opposed to taking things personal and cutting each other off or being weird.

I hope these tips help anyone who changed and felt overwhelmed with everything.

Start from here and you will figure the rest out. It gets better I promise 🙂

Much love,

Addie.

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The Importance of Protecting your Peace

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Happy Saturday suscribers and new comers! I hope you are well.

Today’s post stresses the importance of protecting your peace and well being plus I’m sure you will enjoy this post because we all struggle with this depending on the type of person we are.  As I continue on my self love journey, I find that peace of mind is so essential to me and it affects every decision I make from dealing with people to how I feel at work and even my dating life because the minute I get a negative vibe, I remove myself from the situation especially when I am not fully/partially vested there.

Here is what I mean, it’s harder to remove myself from dealing with an ex because we have so much history as opposed to a new friend I just met but over time, I eventually get to it. Lately, I started to lose myself because I pushed me a little too much; I almost forced dating a guy I didnt even like, a friendship that didn’t appreciate my effort and even a business that almost overlooked my contributions to its success.

As I realized my worth and how I wanted to feel, I pushed back on almost everything and imagine the result! I’m glad I didn’t chase the friendship as God showed me as sign that allowed me understand it probably wasn’t for me. Dating that guy would have failed because I have to like you to be with you, why feel guilty saying no when it is the best decision anyway? Lastly, the business realized my importance after declining their initial offer and accepting a second offer which is what I deserve. How do I feel? At peace because I put me first, know my worth and listened to my gut.

So many blessings occur when you prioritize peace. See a few below;

  • A total glow up is acheived because you are well rested & self care is never neglected hence making better choices.
  • Stress management becomes easier because you are still when peace is present so one is able to deal with stress better than most.
  • It also assists us with maintaining happiness which requires constant and mindful effort.
  • Boosts self confidence.
  • Growth is also easier since one is focused enough to work on getting to where they really want to be.
  • Lastly, clarity. I cannot tell you how many decisions I have made that went well and even exceeded expectation because I was/am at peace.

    I’m sure you agree with me loves, If you haven’t been concerned about finding your peace then get to it please. I promise you will feel better and over time the blessings are unbelievable.

You begin to grow into yourself, you see clearly and can easily sense when something is not for you.

Have a great weekend loves and as always, checkout my instagram page, follow and suscribe for more inspiring posts!


Addie.

Quick tips on finding and getting to know yourself.

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Hey girl, hey!

Here are some quick tips that helped me find, get to know and accept myself. I am sharing these with you in efforts to help anyone who is struggling with this. It is a tough process but if prioritized, can be achieved and even be a life saver from making bad choices in life.

  1. Spend time alone and It may sound crazy but also have conversations with yourself. Personally, I talk to myself almost every morning – I plan my day and tell myself how I want my day to go and honestly, it is powerful because 85% of the time, my day goes as planned.
  2. Be a witness of your thoughts and not a reflection. For instance; a colleague upsets you and your first thought is to be rude and avenge that little annoyance. This is a reflection of how you feel but if you simply let the thoughts be present yet react differently i.e let it go and move on you may have mastered the art of controlling your emotions.
  3. Talk to close friends and reveal past hurt, issues with family or friends, career challenges and even spousal troubles because we cannot harbor too much negativity and pain. It can be detrimental to our growth in life so it is important that you reveal and deal with things as they come so you can let go and create space for the new.
  4. Ensure that you have some kind of trusted support system. Off course within yourself first and then others. It can be family, friends or even your accountability partner.
  5. Listen to your GUT. I’m not sure why some girls question themselves when they have a hunch about something. Personally, my gut has never failed me. She is actually like a protective parent and when she feels a ‘vibe’, she is usually right and can make better choices. If my gut is ever wrong, I will be sure to be let you know ASAP.
  6. Pray for guidance to grow, comfort to deal with what you may find and strength to accept and love yourself unconditionally.
  7. Remove all excess in your life to create space for physical and mental clarity e.g give away clothes you don’t use, keep your space clean etc.
  8. Lastly, ask yourself why before you make any major decisions in life because to stick to it your reason has to be strong. If your ‘why’ is strong, discipline comes easier and you can stick through it no mater what.

I hope this helps someone out there and if you will like to talk to me about your journey, please leave your email address in the comments section below and I will get back to you.

Much love,

Addie.

The Importance of an accountability partner.

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What is an accountability partner?

An accountability partner is a friend you trust and confide in to hold you responsible for the goals and choices you make in life. I think everyone should have such a friend because we all need at least one person we can be truly honest with, excluding the judgement. Please note that this is deeper than just a normal friendship. Some get lucky and find this component within family or even his/her spouse but this is more for those who do not have such luck.

You may ask: Why can’t we do it ourselves?

It is because we are human and sometimes we get discouraged especially when life gets tough. You need a friend to check in with you from time to time. I have an accountability partner and we talk daily but check in on each other’s true feelings and happiness level I would say weekly. We try to discuss all areas from career, life purpose, finances, relationships with men and even our friends and family. It may sound so exposed but it is not a relationship I take for granted especially as a guarded millenial.

Another reason we need one is because we can be our own biggest critic sometimes and you also cannot heal what you don’t reveal. Opening up gives you a chance to release thoughts, ideas, feelings and even express your emotions in a judgement free zone. All your partner needs to do during moments like that is encourage you, redirect you back on track if distracted and even alert you if making a bad choice. Lastly, we get tired, lazy and sometimes end up procastinating on our goals but the right partner will bring it to your attention and help you find your balance so you can focus. Be it slacking on fitness goals, moving with unproductive circles, not loving yourself enough and even dating the wrong person.

How to pick/find an accountability partner.

It should be a friend who is loving, open-minded, calm, private, non-judgmental and mature. These traits are important but we won’t always find them. This is just to give you a general idea on what to look for. It could also be a male or female, the age group should be around yours or older and proximity close by.

3 guaranteed benefits of having an accountability partner.

  • A real-life self care reminder.
  • Support, encouragement and motivation.
  • Honesty which boosts clarity.

So far so good, having one has worked for me. It was not easy to actually find someone and open up willingly but God sent me the right person and it has been working out amazingly. We just had an argument yesterday when I told her to go back to school.
How sway? Lol!
Much later when the heat settled, she saw my point and will probably discuss next steps during our next check in. If she doesnt, I will encourage her until she is ready. No need to add additional pressure when life is hard enough already.

As always,
I love you all and feel free to contact me anytime to talk about anything,
Addie.

The key to Dealing with People.

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Hi readers! Happy Tuesday!

I am writing this post with everyone in mind and giving tips on how to deal with people in general. As a true Oprah fan, I watch greeenleaf and there is an episode that stuck with me till this day. In that episode, it basically talks about how a lot of us have high expectations of others and even feel entitled to the point that when people do not act or respond the way we expect, we feel wronged.

If you are out there and this is you, no matter what side you fall on everyone needs to realize that nobody is perfect except God. When we get angry or disappointed over things we cannot control such as peoples behaviors etc., we are missing the point. This is why one of the the most popular life rules states that one should love his/her neighbor the same way he/she loves him/her-self.

Personally, I have had my own struggles trying to understand all the unique individuals I have met in my life and I actually got disappointed and angry often enough to realize something was not right.

For example; A unique trait I posess that shows my imperfect nature is sensitivity and its such a great yet bad thing because I am not able to joke around as much as my friends do or tolerate some little things e.g not texting me back when I send an essay LOL. The good thing about this trait is that I am full of empathy and because of that, life has blessed me with amazing close friends. There is a lot of inner self work that  goes into accepting oneself and I encourage everyone to try to pay more attention to this. If I didnt, I would not be able to see why I took things personal often (super unhealthy).

Life is so beautiful that I have now been blessed with friends who accept me the way I am and actually understand me as opposed to simply ignoring or overlooking that characteristic about me. My real friends will text me saying, ‘Hey love, I see your text. I am working and will reply on my lunch break’. Instead of ignoring me then calling me after work or the next day saying bla bla bla….

In the past, I would probably not answer my friend’s phone calls for a while but now, they get me so they would over communicate and if they don’t, I realize I’m being a big baby and simply wait.

Make sense? See how it works both ways?

On that note, I love to help as always so here are some tips to help you do better when dealing with people and maintaining your realtionships better be it at work, school or even where you reside. We are complex creatures and life is hard enough already? Why complicate it even further?

  1. Be kind – its not difficult and it will come back to you.
  2. Listen more to other people’s problems and complain less then maybe in that gratitude you have hope then you can be fully present and available to support the other person.
  3. Place people unapologetically – we make friends and meet people all the time but not everyone you meet is supposed to stay in your life so discern and figure out what type of relationship you may have and make sure you re not expecting the right things from the wrong person.
  4. Self love is always key because it affects how others treat you and how you treat yourself.
  5. Self awareness  is key and enables us to understand our actions and reactions.
  6. Strive for independence so you do not find yourself needy all the time as we can’t lives life constantly needing others, find yourself first and then support will come naturally.

Please feel free to ask me any questions or leave a comment down below on your thoughts.

Much love,

Addie.