5 quick tips on recovery after rejection

Blazer – Lane Bryant

Skirt – Lane Bryant

Boots – Forever 21

Hey love!

See below for five quick tips on dealing with rejection as I know it can be challenging at times;

– Pray for strength to understand why it happened and learn the lesson from the experience.

– Speak in affirmations for a duration of time depending on your comfort level until your confidence is restored.

– Exercise to relieve mental stress and be in good spirits.

– Communicate. Share the experience with a close friend and rub minds on what happened if you need to.

– Redirect that negative energy and use it to do something beneficial for yourself. Instead of wasting your time wondering why some guy or firm won’t ef with you.

Try these out and let me know if they work for you doll.

Love you loads,

Addie.

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10 Life Lessons I learnt in October

Hey girl hey!

October has been crazy busy for me and I hope that you can forgive me because I just filled my calendar up with growth opportunities.

I just wanted to do it!

What you may ask?

Left my state temporarily, had midterms and needed a virtual break.

I’m back now and God always uses life to teach me things that help me get where I need to be in life and I appreciate him so much for staying by me.

Enjoy this list and let me know if any of these lessons help;

1. Life is borrowed. We all have an expiry dates so it all boils down to whether you lived well and made a significant impact in the world.

On that note, I decided to be more vulnerable with my posts and true to self because there is an audience I want to connect with and help grow. I really do not want any girls going through what I have gone through. Matter of fact, it won’t be fair to just go through life and keep all these experiences or mistakes I have learnt from.

The message here is ensure you live a good life. No one else is responsible for that but you.

2. Patience is a virtue that is unfortunately not common. With how tough life is, you will need to learn that if not already learnt because in dealing with people and life events, patience is required for understanding, learning and discernment.

Ask God to help you with being patient so that you can also be more accepting of others and their differences.

In essence, you will be a better person when you take your time with things and not rush through life. It’s already short to be honest so just chill.

3. Doubting one self is the beginning of confusion. When you do not stick to a decision made, it makes you question self trust and we all have to trust ourselves so that we can love ourselves better.

E.g I keep blocking and unblocking my ex and my brains always asks me what I’m looking for.

I wish I knew because in a matter of days after unblocking, I’m reminded of the reason I decided to just move on in the first place.

Imagine! Why break my own heart for no reason just because I won’t woman up and stick to a decision?! Ugh.

4. Respect others.

A person is made up of cells, family upbringing, life events, education and finally, religion. These are a lot of components we all know nothing about when you meet a person.

As you get to know them they share more about who they are but respect is important because you will not always agree and you have to be able to communicate and argue effectively without being rude.

I learnt this at work and it’s a stickler because I am now working on respecting others more.

5. Sex is not overrated (for those who said it was here’s why you might feel that way)

I got to this place where I had had enough but I had it with all the wrong people so I wasn’t even sure what a true connection felt like as opposed to just laying there and not being present.

Matter of fact it has gotten more difficult to just open my legs anyhow over temporary pleasure and semi permanent pain. I get the feelings sometimes and figure it out somehow but as I m growing with my self love journey, it is a sin as a Catholic so I do my best to preserve myself.

Not perfect but acknowledging it is a first step. In essence, close your legs so that when you do open them it feels right.

6. Pace your life

Everything happens in seasons. It ties into not rushing but it’s a different point because pacing/finding a balance often holds little weight with some of us. We fill our schedules with things to keep us from facing the deeper aspects of self that require attention i.e. connecting with people, mental health, fitness etc.

Make time for recreational activities, dream chasing and self care so that you can really feel healthy and fulfilled.

For me, I dropped one major because I was getting my masters degree in two fields and thought what is my end goal? Do I really care for this degree? Will I use it or I just want to please my parents? Since It held no true value, I took the stress and fake productivity off my plate and was able to reorganize better.

Another example was when my last relationship didn’t work out, I almost rushed through healing and wanted to replace him to fill that void but God forced me to stick with it, deal with the emotions by sending me a helper to understand why it happened so it doesn’t repeat itself.

7. The importance of family

Now all my friends know I can’t fully relate here because I’m from a semi mixed and separated family which has helped me more than hurt but I have to elaborate here.

There was a day I felt like I couldn’t talk to anyone but my sisters face kept flashing in my mind and I had convinced myself that she was too young to be there for me as a first born so I decided not to talk to her.

Days later, I wasn’t feeling any better and I just did it.

She advised me and cheered me up and it’s not a big deal but to me. I do not take the family I’m still close to for granted. Their happiness is mine and I know that I will never be alone as long as I have them. They empower me and make me feel whole.

Some friends do become family but in the end it is not the same. Blood is blood.

8. Women carry too much

This one was an eye opener because the expectations on women in our society today is ridiculous. We’re expected to have a 9-5, full on education, stay healthy (skinny even if possible), have kids, care for a spouse, keep the house in good shape, have a career etc.

Does this list ever end? Are we empowering men to do the same?

I’ll leave this here but as a millennial pick wisely. Personally my spouse (wherever he is) will need to show a level of understanding as I am an ambitious woman and there is a price.

I won’t be cooking daily bro but we can make a roster 😂

9. Dealing with People is a skill

I’ve met too many types of human beings and we are all beautifully flawed so i’ll share a tip that works for me.

I somehow figure out your birthday(Well, you tell me cus I ain’t no creep 😂) and because I’m spiritual, I believe in zodiacs so it gives me an idea of what your personality might be like.

E.g most cancers are extreme nurturers and come off super nice or guarded, Libras are charismatic and great at being diplomatic. Aquarius’ are helpers and Capricorn’s super stubborn plus love to be in control.

Off course, there is more but these are a few I’m super familiar with.

Over time, I match the personality with the life experiences you’ve shared with me and we grow as friends because I understand you better.

Try it out loves, it works!

10. When life burns you out or you get overwhelmed – prioritize you even more!

Sometimes it all gets so crazy with work, school, life etc but when you start feeling tired and demotivated, make sure you take a break and begin a scheduled self care routine. Do only what makes you happy and rejuvenate your spirit for newer and better girl.

With all that being said, I hope you can take away some things and incorporate them into your life tools for becoming an awesome person!

Love you 🖤

Addie.

Growth: Old Friends, New you

At my current phase in life, If there is anything I have learnt about life, it is its ever-changing and constant-forward motion. Time waits for no-one but as imperfect human beings, our lives and experiences influence us so much so we think we have all the time in the world.

Um, no. Growth occurs and life goes on, so what do you do when you find yourself changing and getting misunderstood all of a sudden? People keep saying ‘OMG, whats up with you, that was so unexpected?’, ‘Oh wow, you’ve changed!’, ‘Ugh, I miss the old you.’, ‘Lol, you used to be so nice’ etc. This has been my current struggle for some time now and I got so frustrated that I decided to deal with it and here are some tips to help If you have this same struggle;

  1. Communication

I really had an issue with this as the introvert in me did not feel the need to explain why I changed to every Tom, Nick and Harry that raised this. I just felt like If they were real, they could see my changes were for the best and nothing more so they would understand and be happy for me. On second thought, it wasn’t fair to them because I knew things were different within me and since they are not inside my head obviously, I need to communicate that somehow so we do not have unnecessary conflict. In scenarios like this, tell your real friends and family what is going on with you so everyone is on the same page and can support you. I stress this because there will be clashes especially if the change is a self learning journey and you are becoming unintentionally unapologetic. Support is always a positive addition as well so don’t worry about sounding ‘extra’ or weak.

2.    Forgiveness.

To grow, you definitely took time away from a lot of people be it friends, acquaintances, family and even residence because you may have moved to a new place during the process. Now that you are aware of the new changes, you will have to forgive yourself for the past and all negative choices that were made because at the end of the day, they have played a role in who you are now.

Those that matter to you will also have to be forgiving of your new habits or changes as it will affect the relationship somehow. I find that one of three things happens, people stay and love you regardless, people leave or they stay trying to figure you out but never really do so so hence you becoming more of an acquaintance and not really a friend.
Oh well, that’s life my g – can’t worry about things out of your control you know.

For instance, you enjoyed smoking weed almost daily with a friend but do not enjoy that anymore and value your health so you cut him/her off since they are not willing to do the same (they don’t have to be). Next thing you know, when you both hang out and you’re not smoking it becomes a problem and causes an argument. Once you let your friend know by communicating the good news (LOL!) about you not wanting to get stoned daily, he/she will hear you and think on it. It either he/she understands and is sorry which will be great, he/she does not understand and you are both not friends anymore or he/she tries to understand but never really does and is not forgiving about it so the friendship dies on its own.

The f- ing struggle sis.

3. Patience and understanding

These two go hand in hand because we are complex creatures and to really listen and understand this new phase, one must be patient with themselves and then understand why they are making these new choices, whom they affect and how to adjust to the changes. It is a lot of inner work between you and God but the third party needs to the patient with you to fully be able to be there for you while adjusting to the new you. Sounds like a huge task but it is not really. An example of practicing this per the last example I just used would be those friends smoking together but not daily, maybe a weekend in a month while other days they just simply hang out. As opposed to taking things personal and cutting each other off or being weird.

I hope these tips help anyone who changed and felt overwhelmed with everything.

Start from here and you will figure the rest out. It gets better I promise 🙂

Much love,

Addie.

Got anxiety as a new week begins?

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Me: Hey darling! How are you?

Friend: Im good, its f-ing Monday tomorrow and I just don’t feel good at all. So much to get done.

Me: Worrying is a waste of time my love. I can help you plan ahead so you can feel more in control and less stressed. By Friday, you would have achieved a lot and will be satisfied with your productivity which then allows you reward yourself by having a little fun.

Friend: I appreciate that so much but could you guide me further?

Me: Sure thing! So…I used to have anxiety every Sunday night knowing work started the next day. I didn’t enjoy work, I had errands to run, a dream to chase on the side, school work, a man to cater to, friends and family. I went crazy and almost forgot its all about me so every Sunday reminded me of how much I had to get done and how time just passed me by.

Friend: Sounds a lot like me right now but I don’t know what to do. Will just go get trashed and worry about it tomorrow.

Me: NEGATIVE BIT&H. Listen here and listen good. You want my input so here is what I know will ease your stress and alleviate anxiety. Matter of fact, I will write it so you can always refer to it when you feel like this;

  • If you don’t have a planner, get one and organize your week going forward. Itemizing tasks helps you stay organized and strategize priorities. It also feels amazing when you can cross it of your to do list.
  • Eliminate any sources of negative energy be it friends, super unhealthy food, a grudge you’re holding on to etc. Anything that is not positive is really not welcome including your thoughts.
  • Exercise – it strengthens your mind and allows for clarity while alleviating stress. Triple win If you ask me.
  • Ask your friends/family for support especially when the tasks are out of the ordinary e.g court for speeding ticket (courts make me nervous lol) or even a first day at crossfit as it can be challenging.
  • Finally, prayer is key. Anytime I pray, its almost as if a burden has been lifted knowing God will take care of me. If you are not a believer, you can still pray because it gives room for hope, any other spiritual practice that encourages you may also help.

Friend: Adeola, this is really helpful. I will try these suggestions and get back to you.

Adeola: Anytime dear, I am always here for support. Always!

xoxo,

Addie.

To my readers:
If you ever need to talk about managing life and staying organized, please do not hesitate to leave your email below and I will get back to you within 24hrs 🙂

 

 

 

Real talk girl, this is why you need to stay fit!

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As I grow older, I understand the adage health is wealth even more. A lot of us are missing the point when it comes to staying fit and think its all about looking good.

See…you can look great but have low self esteem etc. Staying fit is bigger than that. Think about it this way, why work hard now and make so much money to enjoy your twenties and thirties and by forty-five, you start having health issues just because you didn’t pay attention to self care. What is the point of having a job and 401k If you cannot reap the rewards later? You feel me?

On that note, loving yourself enough to stay fit or initiate the process is worth it because it aids wellness, alleviates stress and allows us the opportunity to enjoy life to the fullest.

Here are a few tips on kicking off a fitness journey If you read this post but it almost went out the other ear LOL!

  • Drink water only. It will pay off and you can add a lemon for detox and flavor.
  • Slowly eat more protein and less carbs.
  • To start, get into fun sporty activities i.e hiking, zumba class with your bestie, do swimming races with a bunch of friends etc. and as your body adjusts, you’ll figure out what you really need.
  • Sleep as much as you need because activity requires rest & recharge.
  • Reduce the number of times you eat out as It forces you to eat fresh food which is truly the better option.

Some examples of celebrities who understood this concept and decided to get fit are Rick Ross, Fat Joe,  Jennifer Hudson, Shonda Rhymes and Kelly Osbourne. You can’t tell me they are not happier right now!

Personally, I weighed 325lbs last year but this year, I now weigh 260lbs. If you follow me on Instagram, you will see the slow progression of my weight loss but I have never really talked about it and how I lost the weight slowly so here is a brief history below.

I started off by taking the stairs instead of an elevator, drinking tea instead of soda, trying to eat twice daily since I was used to skipping meals and then binging late at night, following friends to work out and eventually doing cross-fit with my siblings which I quit based on my personality. Too much pressure and I was super shy so I decided to figure it out myself. After all, I’m doing it for me right? What works for one person may not work for another which is normal.

Over time, I hadn’t figured out portion control but I continued cardio and strength training almost daily for 35/40 mins every morning(weekdays only) before I went to work. From doing that, I found that I enjoyed having a routine and it gave me something to look forward to every morning. I slowly ate less and this is how I lost about 65lbs last year. I will keep going and enjoying the journey but as you can see I did not mount myself with unnecessary pressure or overthink it at all. I knew why I wanted to keep fit and slowly got to it.

Currently, I own an elliptical in my bedroom and do my best to stay on track. I hope to do more as time goes by but I am happy and fit even though I’m still thick and juicy. Can you say the same? Yea, naaaaaaaa LOL

Much Love,

Addie.

It’s already July: Are you woke?

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Selfie
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Looking for my goals, lol
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Poser.
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Happy.

 Happy mid-year all!

For a brief intro on the purpose of my blog, please refer to the about me page.
That being said, we can now jump into today’s post!

Today is my birthday and sadly this time last year, I promised myself to do better with everything going forward but I didn’t. Why? I did not set any goals or even pray about what I wanted so I’m not sure who I was deceiving besides myself.

I made some progress I won’t discredit but with planning and prayer, I am sure I would have achieved even more (If I’m being honest with my inner self). Mind you, these were necessary goals such as launch a fashion blog, lose 100 pounds, date the right man and not out of loneliness etc. I was able to lose 50 pounds, wasted my time dating the wrong guy when I didn’t even love me and lastly, created a blog but never really released a blog post. Sigh.

I said all that to say, planning and prayer are two key ingredients for a happy life. To achieve any goal, one should write steps and track progress to keep him/her on track. We are now in July and I’m sure on New Years eve you had the audacity to tell yourself you will achieve some new things; take that pottery class, socialize more, go back to school etc. If you fall in this category, 2017 is not over yet, you can take your power back, pray to God asking for focus and forge ahead towards achieving what you really want.

To help, the questions below can help you find clarity on the status of your goals so you know where you left off and can continue;

Do I love me? How am I feeling right now and lately? How was the first half of the year? Did I go through any life altering changes? Am I happy? Am I healthy? Do I need to reassess my finances? How is my credit score? How close am I to graduation (if in school)? Am I enjoying the relationship I am in? Is it healthy? Did I find my purpose? Do I enjoy my career? If yes, am I growing?

I hope this helps you get woke If you fell asleep on you.

Much love,
Addie.