I was on the bus back from NY and asked my brother what to blog on as I had just finished another draft and had nothing.
Minutes go by and he sends me a brief mini rant about people who aren’t open in relationships, not while they’re dating but when they are exclusive as there is a difference.
I’ve dated and committed to such personalities before and honestly it takes time to open up to another person. To make it even more challenging, it’s only rewarding when it happens naturally. You can push but with pacing, patience and listening, you can get to know a person and understand them.
My millennials, I figure you are my audience here because I am worried for us. While marriage is not on my bucket list for personal reasons, I think the Bible set the tone for what marriage should be and being open is one of the requirements as the couple merges to become one.
If a lover is not open, here could be why;
1. They are not at peace with themselves and probably have not self nurtured to achieve maturity enough to be open when they want.
When a person has a lot going on or might really be immoral, they tend to keep to themselves as they have a lot to hide. When I was wild, I never spoke a word and now I’m sure when old classmates read my posts, they are confused. They are like huh she seemed quiet and bored. Boy, oh boy – I was always on something, going somewhere, with someone.
No fucking peace of mind. I mean none – so tell me what I wanna tell lover boy? You better carry and go or stay and be mute 😂
2. They do not trust themselves or you.
Laughing already because without trust there can never be full openness. I mean, so comfortable that your spouse understands you without even talking.
I currently have friendships like that with my girls and I tell one that I hope my husband if I end up with one is as open as we are with each other. I want to tell him why I don’t feel like going to church today, I want to tell him my past so he knows who I am and how I became, I don’t want to have to tell him to be thoughtful because when open you are in synch with your partner. The benefits are amazing so if not ready to be open but you want love, go back to your inner self, check in and then try again.
3. Immaturity – enough said here.
4. Self-reliance syndrome.
I know because I struggle with being open, my life will have to get written. When? I do not know darling but it will be so because I have seen quite a bit and by the time I leave earth I may not have shared all as life is not guaranteed!
With such people, they are so hard on themselves that they strive for independence and self nurturing. Since I’m one of them, it can be hell I tell you. I know because of this reason I suck at making friends and when I do it takes a lot to get through. Some may disagree because I’m super warm and don’t mind sharing little things but um it’s all a front, once you leave me you may find that I let you do all the talking and didn’t even say much. With my nurturing personality, I probably talk about your well being and keep it moving.
Side note – Don’t try to push things or force things out of me, that will end the relationship instantly. Savage but with a sweet side 😉
5. Finally! Intentions are another reason people do not open up.
Depending on your upbringing and experiences, you should know life can be wicked. The strong ones just breathe positivity and find strength in how much they love themselves but people’s intention really contribute to setting the tone of a relationship. Are you trying to get to know me? Why? To date? Sleep with me? Waste my time? Fish for information? Make conversation? What?
How about we all relax and just have fun and not be so closed. If you love you, it’s easier to be open as you become unapologetic about who you are.
At that point, you mean what you say and you tell only what you want. If you don’t want to reveal anything, you won’t.
Let’s not make it seem like we’re obligated to be open. You’re not but if you want true love, learn to be open to the right people, (God first) in the right places, and under the right circumstances.
It’s another choice YOU have to make so choose right.
Until next time my loves,
Dress – Asos
Shoes – Justfab (I added the puffy shoe clips which are from Aldo)