At my current phase in life, If there is anything I have learnt about life, it is its ever-changing and constant-forward motion. Time waits for no-one but as imperfect human beings, our lives and experiences influence us so much so we think we have all the time in the world.
Um, no. Growth occurs and life goes on, so what do you do when you find yourself changing and getting misunderstood all of a sudden? People keep saying ‘OMG, whats up with you, that was so unexpected?’, ‘Oh wow, you’ve changed!’, ‘Ugh, I miss the old you.’, ‘Lol, you used to be so nice’ etc. This has been my current struggle for some time now and I got so frustrated that I decided to deal with it and here are some tips to help If you have this same struggle;
I really had an issue with this as the introvert in me did not feel the need to explain why I changed to every Tom, Nick and Harry that raised this. I just felt like If they were real, they could see my changes were for the best and nothing more so they would understand and be happy for me. On second thought, it wasn’t fair to them because I knew things were different within me and since they are not inside my head obviously, I need to communicate that somehow so we do not have unnecessary conflict. In scenarios like this, tell your real friends and family what is going on with you so everyone is on the same page and can support you. I stress this because there will be clashes especially if the change is a self learning journey and you are becoming unintentionally unapologetic. Support is always a positive addition as well so don’t worry about sounding ‘extra’ or weak.
To grow, you definitely took time away from a lot of people be it friends, acquaintances, family and even residence because you may have moved to a new place during the process. Now that you are aware of the new changes, you will have to forgive yourself for the past and all negative choices that were made because at the end of the day, they have played a role in who you are now.
Those that matter to you will also have to be forgiving of your new habits or changes as it will affect the relationship somehow. I find that one of three things happens, people stay and love you regardless, people leave or they stay trying to figure you out but never really do so so hence you becoming more of an acquaintance and not really a friend.
Oh well, that’s life my g – can’t worry about things out of your control you know.
For instance, you enjoyed smoking weed almost daily with a friend but do not enjoy that anymore and value your health so you cut him/her off since they are not willing to do the same (they don’t have to be). Next thing you know, when you both hang out and you’re not smoking it becomes a problem and causes an argument. Once you let your friend know by communicating the good news (LOL!) about you not wanting to get stoned daily, he/she will hear you and think on it. It either he/she understands and is sorry which will be great, he/she does not understand and you are both not friends anymore or he/she tries to understand but never really does and is not forgiving about it so the friendship dies on its own.
The f- ing struggle sis.
3. Patience and understanding
These two go hand in hand because we are complex creatures and to really listen and understand this new phase, one must be patient with themselves and then understand why they are making these new choices, whom they affect and how to adjust to the changes. It is a lot of inner work between you and God but the third party needs to the patient with you to fully be able to be there for you while adjusting to the new you. Sounds like a huge task but it is not really. An example of practicing this per the last example I just used would be those friends smoking together but not daily, maybe a weekend in a month while other days they just simply hang out. As opposed to taking things personal and cutting each other off or being weird.
I hope these tips help anyone who changed and felt overwhelmed with everything.
Start from here and you will figure the rest out. It gets better I promise 🙂