Hey beautiful people!
I hope you’re having a fabulous weekend! Yes, I am as well. Thanks for asking 😉
To read further and enjoy a spread of pictures, scroll all the way down for the juice!
Today’s post provides tips that helped me personally get over a relationship that was not for me at the time. I’m not God and do not know the future so I will address this post stressing that we cannot control everything in life but choose the way we respond to it.
We all know that finding a soulmate can be tough but you must be careful not to be so desperate while doing so. After all, all you have yourself so why do you need someone else so much? Love yourself first and then in your glow and happiness, the right person will find you.
What I find happening is that, when you remove the wrong people, it creates space for better relationships with the right people. If you have dated someone that was not a good fit (dare i say good person as we are not perfect, only God is) or for too many reasons to list now, it just didnt work out as planned, here is how you can ease yourself into the new change that is being single.
- Talk to God
I am a catholic by birth and normally confession is my first go to for sanity. Immediately the breakup occurs, you would need to talk to a non biased person. The only perfect person who will not disappoint you is God. Pray to him for clarity, guidance and strength because you will need it for the journey ahead hence the title ‘tough breakup’.
2. Gather your cheerleaders or ‘bros’ i.e support system
I have found that everyone has their own unique support system which varies from family, colleagues, classmates and friends. If like me you had none, review your contacts and think again. God may have already sent you a friend and for me he did send a new friend prior to the breakup but I did not know she was in my life for a reason at the time.
Now looking back, I’m not sure what may have happened without her. There were days while dealing with the ex, I may have been dramatic but she reminded me about who I was and calmed me down.
Dont waste your time hiding or keeping to yourself as you are also vulnerable and can either meet the wrong people, rebound into another stupid relationship or harm yourself. Yea…….No.
Additionally, empowering music by artists such as Ella Eyre, Londrelle, SZA etc., books and even podcasts will help during this period. I remember listening to a bad bit@h podcast on spotify to rebuild my confidence after the hurt. I also created a get over him and be fabulous playlist on my spotify account which was filled with songs like Regret in your tears by Nicki Minaj, Problems by 6lack, Supermodel by SZA etc.
Talk to the ex. Silence is literally the best answer but you actually both need to talk and understand where it went wrong. Then you can make some sense of the hurt and that way, learn the lesson so its not all loss and no gain. While talking, both of you may find that there is no issue at all too. You just never know but clarity is always great. Don’t you agree?
After communicating and figuring out why the relationship must end. Forgive each other for the pain and apologize to one another so you can both let everything go. You cannot carry that weight anywhere else and do well. During mine, I refused to do this out of anger and it only ruined me more (temporarily) because I expressed my anger in the wrong places and at the wrong people. Oh my, it was ugly.
Work made me even more angry, all men were just bad all of a sudden, I would even argue with my ex further like we got anywhere instead of just letting it go and hoping for the best.
5. Space and Time
Even after all of that, the last piece of the puzzle is space and time because you cant be around what is causing you pain. How will you move on? Especially when in a lease agreement, you need to have savings for an emergency and if you love yourself enough like I do, you will leave immediately you can.
When the breakup is still fairly new, it’s comfortable to try to be friends but stupid because you may end up compromising yourself unintentionally. Take he/she out of the picture, listen to your thoughts, feel your emotions, focus inward and hope for clarity, meditate on the areas that may have been your fault so you can learn from it and move forward.
The saying is really true that if something/someone is really yours it will come back to you. Even if it comes back sooner than you expect, you at least grew, learnt some things and can actually decide if you want a fresh start. Isn’t that just peachy after all the rain?
This was a tough post as I recently went though a tough breakup as well but I desperately want to help any girl who might be going through this right now or in the future so please share this message and stay tuned for more tips on life and love!